


Lights So Bright

by elm27



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-01-05 14:41:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 43,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12191892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elm27/pseuds/elm27
Summary: Christen Press is used to getting everything she wants and she usually knows just what that is.  A move to New York City has her questioning everything she knows about herself and for once, she's never felt so comfortable being uncomfortable.





	1. It's Been Waiting For You

It was different than the pictures she’d seen in magazines and much more daunting than it was portrayed in the movies.  There was so much more movement, so many more people filling the sidewalks than she expected.  The smells around her blended underneath her nose and she couldn’t be sure of what direction they were coming from.  Here, everything was at her disposal; it was all wide open for her.

 

And Christen Press got whatever, or whoever, she wanted.

 

It wasn’t to say things fell in her lap or she was extraordinarily lucky.  No, she worked hard for the life she lead.  People always told her she was more than a pretty face which she proved to be true after earning a full tennis scholarship, completing her degree at Stanford University with academic honors, and now landing a coveted internship in New York City with one of the biggest names in Public Relations, fresh out of graduate school.

 

It was a head scratcher for those around her who figured she’d be taking a job at some sort of renowned newspaper or magazine, continuing to crank out work that was nothing short of incredible for someone her age.  Her pieces had won prizes for countless contests across the United States and internationally over the years, putting her on the fast track to be a major contributor in just a short time.  

 

But Christen had her eye on something else.

 

She wanted a new challenge, one that would open doors for her to meet new people and test her abilities to get the job done since writing almost came too easily to her now.  When she’d applied to the internship with Finn Partners, she wasn’t like the other applicants who were biting their nails and making backup plans despite their degrees and lengthy list of connections.  No, she knew she’d get it without a doubt and proceeded with her life, searching online for an apartment and establishing her soon-to-be new life until the phone call came.

 

So now here she was, standing in the middle of Fifth Avenue, taking in all of the wondrous sights and sounds of her new town.  She looked down at the neatly folded piece of plain white paper in her palm to double check she had the right address. 

 

Her feet carried her inside the skyscraper that might have had just as many people floating through the lobby as it had outside of it’s doors.  Everything was shiny, attractive, including the people in their fancy outfits and polished shoes.  Most people might panic in her situation; a new job, a new building, a new city.  Not Christen, though.  She confidently made her way through the security check, credentials in hand that had been sent to her by her supervisor, Alexandra Krieger.

 

She and Ali (as she asked to be called) had talked a few times over email and once via Skype, just to go over the basics of her internship.  She’d be working with two other lucky applicants under Ali, mostly helping to put together events and galas the firm was hired for.  Ali told her it could mean late nights and early mornings, but she’d meet some pretty incredible people if she played her cards right and the feeling of pulling off the perfect party was way more rewarding than she could ever imagine.

 

Ali met her on the forty-second floor, balancing a carrier filled with different sizes and types of cups.  “Good morning, intern #1! Coffee or tea to get your day started?”  She was wide-eyed and ready to go, dressed from head to toe in black with a bright red lip that contrasted against her pearly white smile.   _ Being beautiful must be a requirement to work here,  _ Christen thought as she glanced around a little.  There was already  hustle and bustle in the wide open room, not a single person appearing to be out of place.  Christen was glad she wore something relatively dressy for her orientation and made a mental note of what seemed to be the unofficial uniform of the firm.

 

“Shouldn’t I be getting those for you?” she laughed, graciously accepting one of the small Starbucks cups.  “Christen Press, officially nice to meet you, Ali.”  

 

“Likewise,” the dark brunette spun on her heels, motioning for Christen to follow.  “So this is it; this is Finn PR.  All of the top dogs’ offices are over there,” she pointed, “kitchen and copy rooms are in the back.  I’m considered senior level, which is why I’m your supervisor, and we all sit over here.  Most of our interns float and work out of the copy room, but I managed to snag you a small desk out here with me.”

 

Christen was both relieved to have a permanent spot and grateful for Ali’s graciousness.  “Thanks so much,” she gushed.  “I’ll take it!”

 

Ali waved her off, “no problem.  Go ahead and get settled and then I’ll send over the IT guys to set you up with everything.  Today will be pretty easy, just boring kind of stuff and then tomorrow we’ll hit the ground running.  Our first big event you’ll help tackle is for an insurance group here in the city.  They throw a big charity ball each year as a tax write-off and we do our best to carry out their vision.  Lotsa young, up and coming single guys if you’re interested,” she winked.

 

Christen had always been confident in herself, especially when it came to dating.  She knew she wasn’t hard on the eyes and kept up with herself, making sure she was in shape and groomed well.  For years, she did it to get the attention of all the boys in her high school, who practically worshiped at her feet in the hallways.  It wasn’t much different when she went to college until one drunken night in dodgy bar, where after a dare she found herself thoroughly enjoying having her tongue taste another girl’s.  

 

After that, she didn’t hide her appreciate for the same sex and they reciprocated the feelings pretty frequently.  Any horror or difficult coming out stories didn’t match her experience.  It all came so easy to her and she was even more confident than before.  So not that she ever held back or hid that part of her life, she found herself hesitating before asking Ali, “how about any up and coming single girls?”  

 

The look that Ali gave her was a surprise, almost a smug smile.  “I know a few,” she whispered.  “Nice to know we have something in common.”   Christen winked back at her conspirously, happy to have someone in her corner.  She didn’t know anyone in New York and even though she was her supervisor, Ali might be someone she could consider a friend.

 

Ali had been right about her day, mostly boring details and setting up passwords and accounts that she’d need starting tomorrow.  But she took notes diligently and paid attention to detail, making sure she wouldn’t get behind on day one.  She peppered the IT guys with questions and gave herself the grand-tour, making mental reminders of the faces and names that seemed to be a big deal.  Before she knew it, it was 4:00 and time to for her to head out.

 

“Hey Christen, what are you up to tonight?” Ali spun in her chair to ask as Christen collected her cardigan and purse from her desk.  She hadn’t really made any plans other than to check out her neighborhood a little more, maybe grab a bite to eat and catch up on the reality television sitting in her DVR.  “Not much,  just another boring Monday night,” she joked, shrugging her shoulders.  A moment of awkward silence passed, Christen not really sure if she should leave it at that or whether Ali was getting ready to say something.  They just kind of looked at each other before she heard, “do you want to join me and a few of my friends for happy hour?  We’re headed to a place in SoHo if you’re interested.”

 

Truth was, she wasn’t sure she was quite ready to mix business and pleasure yet.  After a few weeks, she had thought.  But on her first day she also wasn’t in the position to turn her supervisor down, no matter how friendly she seemed.  She stood a little taller and said, “Yeah...Yeah! That sounds great, thanks for thinking of me, Ali,” she confidently accepted.

 

“Awesome,” Ali exclaimed.  “Okay well I have your number so why don’t I text you when I’m ready to leave here.  I’ll probably be like forty five minutes or an  hour and then you can just meet us there? It’ll be nice for you to meet some people here in the city.”

 

It would take her about twenty minutes to get back to her apartment, just enough time to change and fix her hair and make-up. “Perfect,” she found herself saying, actually getting excited to have her first New York bar experience.  She slowly backed out of the the area, throwing up a small wave to the others still working around her.  “See you soon.”

 

Christen spent nearly the entire twenty minute commute glued to her phone, secretly Googling ‘what to wear to happy hour in NYC’.  She didn’t want to wear the exact same thing she’d worn all day, just in case the people she met today were attending, but also didn’t want to be underdressed.  The search results really didn’t help her, which is why for one of the first times in her life, she called her sister for help.

 

“You seriously don’t know what to wear?  Is this some kind of test?” she asked on the line, across country.  Christen huffed through the phone, “Seriously, Ty.  This is the first time I’m going out here and it’s different than LA.  I just want your opinion.”

 

“Okay,” her sister laughed, “put me on FaceTime so I can see your closet.”

 

Christen modeled a couple different options for her, settling on a tight pair of black skinny jeans with wedges and a dressy but flowy top.  “This looks good right?  Like it’s not over the top but I still look good?”

 

“For sure.  You’ll totally get a few numbers tonight.  Your hair and makeup look great,” her sister assured her sincerely.  Christen stopped her right there, “no, it’s not that kind of night.  There won’t be anyone there that I’ll be interested in, this is a work-related thing.” 

 

How wrong she was.

 

From the moment she walked in and looked around to see Ali waving her over, she realized it was an all-female group, each one seemingly prettier than the last.  She was welcomed with a chorus of  hellos, little waves and beautiful smiles.  Ali made room next to her, going around to introduce each girl.

 

“This is my girlfriend, Ashlyn, she’s pro soccer player outside of the city in New Jersey and Kelley, next to her, is one of her teammates,” she pointed.  Christen felt pretty relieved that Ali felt comfortable introducing her significant other when they’d only just met, signaling that maybe she was someone she could depend on as a confidant and friend.  “And that’s Allie, Alex and Tobin is on the end there.”  

 

She smiled to herself as she took in each of the names and decided to make a joke.  “So if I forget one of your names, it’s pretty safe to just guess ‘Al?’, right?”  Their laughs made her instantly feel welcomed and that was before Alex was offering to buy her the first drink of the night.

 

“So what can I get you?  What type of girl are you?” she asked, Christen noticing the way her meticulously made-up eyes were scanning her face.  Maybe other people would feel self-conscious being looked at that way after just meeting someone for the first time, but she was kind of used to it.  Alex wasn’t scrutinizing her, she was checking her out and if she wasn’t mistaken, flirting.

 

“That’s not usually something I let others in on right away,” she gave back, “but what you have looks good.  I’ll take one of those.”  The brunette remained strong, not blinking an eye at the retort.  “So one whiskey sour, got it.”

 

She was sipping the drink in under two minutes, casually chatting with the group while trying to mostly concentrate on everything Ali was saying.  It was hard, wanting to look at the pretty girl who bought her a drink especially since she could feel her looking at her.

 

“Are you single?”  Ashlyn asked her right out after giving her some tips on how to handle Ali at work, which earned a convincing shove in the ribs from her girlfriend.  This was an easy answer for her, the same as it had been for over a year.  Christen had broken up with her short-term girlfriend of only three months after realizing it just wasn’t going to go anywhere.  The girl was nice enough and damn good in the bedroom, but it fell short of anything she really wanted.  There was no real spark and she just didn’t want to waste her time being tied down to something lackluster.  Since then, it was a few hook-up sessions with girls she was set up with or met at bars before she got bored and moved on.

 

“Yep,” she popped the ‘p’ for emphasis.  Ashlyn leaned in a little to lowly ask, “and looking? Or….?” her voice trailed off to let her fill in the blank.

 

All eyes and ears were on her now, making her carefully consider her words.  “I like to have fun,” she coyly offered, letting it up to each girl to determine what that meant.  Ashlyn bobbed her head like she understood what she was saying and straightened back up.

 

“So where do you live, Christen?”  Alex shouted over the small table, her steely blue eyes hinting with intrigue.  

 

Although Christen wasn’t really familiar with the neighborhoods of the city quite yet, she’d been told hers was top-notch, very trendy and her apartment was a commodity.  Along with the living stipend her internship provided, her parents offered to put her up for the first year as a reward for saving them four years of college tuition.  They were a typical upper-middle class family in California, but they’d worked hard to save their pennies to put their daughters through the best universities.  They nearly cried tears of joy when she earned her scholarship, still promising part of the money to her once she graduated.   Christen took that deal quickly and picked the best apartment she could find.

 

“Chelsea” she said back, trying to gauge the reaction of the girls around her.  Alex held her gaze with a pleased, but somewhat surprised look.  

 

“Me too.”

 

Christen knew better than shower Alex with all the attention tonight and start a back and forth conversation.   _ When there’s someone you want _ , she thought,  _ show them they aren’t your only thought - yet.  Make them work a little.   _ “And what about you guys?”

 

The small circled echoed places she’d only seen on the maps of the city, so she nodded along like she was familiar and made a mental note to check them out later.  Only Tobin, the quiet girl on the end who was strikingly pretty now that Christen was getting a good look at her, didn’t offer up her location.  It didn’t appear like she was ignoring the question per se, she just seemed content blending into the background of the conversations.

 

“And you?” Christen looked pointedly at Tobin, dipping her head a bit to catch her attention and maybe get some eye contact.

 

Tobin looked up with  doe eyes, a little taken back that Christen was speaking to her directly.  “Oh, uh,” she stammered after a moment.  “I live in the East Village.”  

 

“Very nice,” Christen heard herself saying like she was a school teacher, praising a child for a job well done.  “I’m not familiar with the area, so you’ll have to give me some tips,” she added after a beat.

 

Alex jumped in and slung her arm around Tobin.  “She has the best apartment and now that her sister practically lives with her fiance, Tobs has the place to herself.” The quieter girl just looked back down at the table, letting Alex do all the talking. 

 

Christen liked assertion.  She liked someone who could hold their own and could give her a run for her money. That’s why she took the opportunity to scan Alex from head to toe again, trying to find any flaw in her.  She was tall and toned, her brunette locks seemingly soft.  It only took a second to imagine them splayed all over Christen’s stark white pillows on her bed, tangled from her hands pulling and running through them.

 

It didn’t hurt that Alex was looking back at her almost the same way, as though they were sizing each other up in a primal way. 

 

The only thing that broke her attention was a man the same height as Alex, stepping in beside her to slip his hand tentatively around her waist.  The girl gave him only a split second of attention before turning back to Christen.   _ Who was this,  _ Christen thought.   _ A friend?  A boyfriend?  _  As if to answer her silent questions, Alex made a brief introduction.  

 

“Serv, hey, this is Christen, she works with Ali at the PR firm and is new to New York.”

 

The admittedly handsome guy who looked like he just jumped out of a magazine nodded in her direction politely.  “And Christen, this is Serv.”  Alex let the information settle and cocked her head to the side, biting her bottom lip in anticipation.   _ Now that’s hot,  _ Christen thought.

 

“....Alex’s friend,” he finished the statement dryly, as if he wasn’t fond of the term.  The picture painted in front of her said he and Alex had some sort of non-committal thing going on, maybe more of her doing than his.  She went along with it, not showing her cards just yet.  “Cool, nice to meet you.”  The three contently took sips of their drinks and bobbed along with the background music, none of them striking up a further conversation.

 

She decided to let Alex go for a little, now that the guy seemed to be in the picture, but wouldn’t soon forget the way they were looking at each other and the way Alex’s eyes were burning into her as  she moved around the large table towards Tobin, the only person not deep in a conversation with the person next to her.  The girl was slowly stirring her untouched mixed drink with one of those pointless, skinny black straws bartenders throw in before sliding it to you across the bar.  It was apparent she was both comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time, standing confidently among her friends and content with her lack of contribution of words.  But with each sauntering shuffle of Christen’s heels towards her, she could see her body tense up just a bit.

 

“Hey Tobin, what are you drinking there?”

 

The same wide brown eyes shot up at her, looking all over her face as though she was searching for something.  Her mouth was in a pointed little ‘o’, but not words seemed to be able to fall from her tongue.  After a moment, it looked like something had clicked in Tobin’s brain and she started to speak and move her hands wildly at the same time, sending her vodka club toppling over onto the table.

 

“Dang it!” Tobin said, almost so quiet it seemed to be to herself.  Her fingers, which Christen had the chance to appreciate, were long and strong, picking up the pieces of ice to throw back in the cup.   _ I make her nervous, _ Christen realized.   _ How fucking cute is that. _

 

Deciding to keep it up a little longer to see just how worked up she could make the pretty brunette, Christen laid a gentle hand on top of Tobin’s arm.  “Don’t worry about that, I’ll help.”  She made sure to put on her warmest smile, keeping her hand tethered to the smooth piece of skin under it, all while wiping blindly with a napkin.  Tobin on the other hand looked as though she’d seen a ghost, pale in the face and frozen in her spot.  Christen almost wanted to laugh at how easy it was to get a reaction of her, but something kept her from it.

 

“Can I get you another drink to replace that one?” she tried instead, knowing the girl could use it loosen up just a bit.  She was met with a genuine, grateful look at the offer but also with a shake of rejection.

 

“No,” Tobin thanked her, “that’s really nice of you but I shouldn’t have even ordered this one.  I - I have an early morning tomorrow and need to head out in a few minutes anyway,” she rushed.  Christen wasn’t sure why she felt a pang of disappointment.  It was a good thing her wallet would save at least twelve dollars now and that it would save them any more semi-awkward interactions, but she kind of liked how susceptible the girl seemed. 

 

“Well then,” she countered, “another time.  I’ll let you say your goodbyes to the group.  It was nice meeting you Tobin.” She offered her hand for a small handshake.

 

Tobin’s face had just gotten a bit of color back into it, only to disappear again.  “Another time?” she questioned softly before gaining some composure and stood up straighter.  “Yeah, sure. Uh okay, nice to meet you, Christen.”  She turned around hastily, leaving Christen’s hand untouched and still outstretched.  Christen chuckled to herself, knowing full well the effect she had on her already.

 

Maybe Tobin was right and she herself should call it a night since tomorrow was her first  _ real _ day on the job.  She lowered her arm and looked around her hopefully new group of friends and shuffled through each of their names and what she envisioned to get from their relationships.

 

The last two were here favorites to think about.

 

Alex Morgan was a challenge she wanted to take on, one she would win no matter the lengths she’d need to go to have her.

 

Tobin Heath would be different; all it would take was a snap of her fingers before she had her writing at the mercy of her touch.

 

Her darkening gaze looked back and forth between the two beauties, both oblivious to her prowess, with only one thought in mind.

 

_ I’m going to fucking love New York.  _


	2. It Keeps You Guessing

The first official morning of work kept her far busier than she’d ever imagined.  Ali must have already had a lot of trust in her to let her loose and conquer a pretty big to do list, including securing contracts for the rental space for the event in just a little over two weeks.  The world of PR was certainly new to her but one thing she knew from her writing career was that it was important to meet deadlines.

 

Over lunch, Christen decided it was an appropriate time to ask some personal questions she was dying to know the answers to.  She’d laid in bed the night before thinking about her new life and the new people in in, mainly Alex.  Even on  her walk home from the bar she couldn’t shake the thought of piercing blue eyes and a raspy voice that made her a little weak. Thankfully Ali brought up the happy hour first so she wouldn’t have to, meaning it was a safe topic of conversation.

 

“I’m so happy you came out with us last night, I hope we were nice enough that you’ll consider joining us again.”  Christen furiously nodded in agreement, “absolutely.  Everyone was really great,” she said sincerely.  “I hope you didn’t mind me tagging along with you all.”

 

Ali shook her head, “No! Honestly, even though the city is huge, it can be hard to meet people so I’m happy to add another to the group.”  She knew this was her window of opportunity to ask about the ‘group’ a little more.  

 

“So,” she started nonchalantly, “I think I got to talk to everyone but I’m kind of drawing a blank.  How do you know Alex again?”  Christen hoped Ali wouldn’t see right through her, recognizing the fakeness in her voice.

 

Waiting to finish chewing part of her sandwich, Ali shifted her eyes back and forth.  “I mostly know her through Ashlyn.  They were friends before Ashlyn moved up here.”  Christen was momentarily kind of disappointed that she wasn’t a close friend of Ali’s, but decided she’d take the risk and ask anyway about the one negative thought that had been nagging her.  “And her….boyfriend?”

 

Ali laughed and rolled her eyes, “don’t let her hear you call him that. They’re “just friends” as she says,” complete with air quotes and all.  This was intriguing to Christen and there was no way she was going to leave it at that; she needed to know where she stood and whether she had a chance with the girl.  “So they’re like what, just hooking up or whatever?”  

 

“Yeah, kinda.  I think she’s just keeping her options open and not trying to get tied down to anything serious.  Don’t get me wrong, I think she really likes Serv but she’s not convinced yet that he’s long-term boyfriend material.  From what Ashlyn has told me,” she said in a now half-whisper like it was secret, “she’s hooked up with a couple of other people in the past few months.  I don’t know if he knows that or not, but no one really talks about it.”   Ali leaned back and gave her a smug look that kind of made her feel guilty about gossiping.

 

_ Interesting _ , Christen thought eventually.  So maybe she wasn’t completely off limits but she wasn’t wide open either.  She really would be a challenge, one she was definitely up for after replaying the way Alex was looking at her all night.  Of her list of girls she’d pursued in the last year, Alex was definitely up there look wise.  Christen started to imagine her long legs wrapped around her back before Ali waved a hand in front of her face, breaking her daydream.

 

“You there?  I asked what you thought of Tobin.  I saw you talking to her a little bit. She’s honestly one of the best people I know,” Ali gushed.  “She’s been a great friend to Ashlyn and we just really love her.”  Christen hummed in acknowledgement, mostly unsure of what to say in response.   “She seemed nice,” was all she could offer.  Tobin was a girl she needed to get a better read on too, but figured she would do it herself without asking Ali too many questions.  Besides, Tobin would be easy if she ever really wanted to go down that road whereas she would have to do some strategizing with Alex.  And plus, it wasn’t really her style to hook up with girls who were  _ too _ willing; too awestruck with her.

 

“Yeah, she is,” Ali readily agreed.  The conversation steered away from the group of friends and Christen found herself enjoying Ali’s company more and more.  They seemed to have a lot in common despite the five year age difference, not that anyone would have ever been able to tell.  It was also pretty apparent that deciding to go out with the group of friends last night had benefited her in more ways than one based on her inclusion to the catered lunch while the other two interns were forced to fend for themselves.

 

The afternoon flew by quicker than the morning, not that Christen thought that was possible, and before she knew it she was trudging down the sidewalk to her building with heavy feet when she heard her name being called.  At first she didn’t think anyone could be calling for  _ her,  _ until she gave into her curiosity and turned around.  Alex was almost jogging by now, a smile spreading across her face when she saw Christen had heard her.

 

“I thought that was you,” she heard the raspy voice get out, a little breathless from all her effort.  Christen took in her appearance, even more attractive than the night before in all black, tight in just the right places.  Suddenly she hoped she still measured up despite her long day at the office but the way Alex had resumed her gaze from last night told her she was safe.  The feeling of being ogled would never get old to her she realized, the way it drove her confidence was just too fun.

 

“It’s me,” she shrugged without giving away how pleased she was to see the girl.  “Is this your block too?”  

 

Alex nodded past Christen’s shoulder, “two more.  Is this your building?”   She was looking at the high-rise, taking in the view.  “This is me,” Christen confirmed again.  She was tired for sure, but didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to get some one-on-one time with the girl standing in front of her.  “What are you up to?  Want to come up and join me in numbing the first-day-on-the-job pain with a little vino?”

 

If Alex was surprised, she didn’t let on.  She coolly nodded and agreed.  “I can always go for a glass of wine, you lead the way.”  Turning on her heels, Christen did her best saunter to make sure Alex was getting a good view of her best asset, no pun intended.  “It’ll be a short ride up,” Christen explained as she gave a small smile to her doorman, “I’m only on the fourth floor.”  But when the elevator doors shut with just the two of them in it, it felt like they were in there forever.  The sexual tension between them was already apparent, neither willing to act on it quite yet. Just like hours earlier, she could feel the gaze coming from the murky blue orbs beside her, the tiny hairs on her arms sticking up with anticipation.  The air seemed thick and for the first time in awhile her breath became short. Alex was quick to push her body off of the back of the elevator when the doors re-opened, turning around to smirk at Christen.  “Well are you coming?”  She shook her head at Alex’s back, a little smile playing on her lips.  Alex was trouble...and she liked it.

 

They made themselves comfortable on the couch a bit later, only after Christen gave her a tour of her apartment, which had Alex whistling in approval and following a little more closely than she should have.  It was taking every ounce of self-control not to turn around and pin her against the hallway wall to feel her breath against her lips instead of the back of neck.  Now, they both were drinking from her new wine glasses, trading quips about their workdays and discussing at length the restaurants in their neighborhood.  It felt comfortable and she couldn’t help but notice how quickly they clicked.

 

When it came time for a second glass, Christen refilled their glasses a little too generously and sat back down, a few inches closer to Alex.  The gesture was not unnoticed and Alex shifted her body to be a little more open.  “So...isn’t it funny that I ran into you already in the city with millions of people?  It’s almost like somehow the powers above knew I was thinking about you and boom, there you were.”  Christen didn’t miss the way Alex had said it, teasing her almost.  She was enjoying their time together and wanted to see just how seriously interested Alex might be.

 

“Well,” Christen countered, “if that’s true, they probably know how much I like to please.”  Their eyes dueled for a moment, Alex’s toes briefly pressing into Christen’s thigh.  If it weren’t for the incessant buzzing on her coffee table, she’s pretty sure she’d have climbed up to straddle Alex’s open and inviting hips.  

 

“Who is it?” she asked instead once Alex gave in to the demanding phone.  

 

Alex looked guilty and picked up the call without answering the question.  “Hey, Tobs.”  Christen’s heart dropped a little in her chest at the mention of the name, hoping she wasn’t about to lose Alex now that they were making slow and steady progress.  She didn’t want to stay and awkwardly eavesdrop on the conversation between friends, but Alex pulled on her wrist when she tried to stand up to find something in the kitchen to busy herself with.

 

“Wait,” she whispered.  Eyebrows puzzled, she stood still and just waited.

 

Alex covered the phone with her hand and looked up anxiously.  “I’m sorry, I completely forgot I had dinner plans with Tobin.  I don’t want to run out on you so would you mind if maybe she joined us?  She has the takeout with her and I’m sure there’s enough to split between the three of us?”  

 

Christen really hadn’t counted on entertaining, only long enough to maybe see how far she could get Alex to go with a glass or two of wine.  But she also wasn’t in the position to turn down new friends so she found herself obliging.  “No problem, I’ll buzz her in when she gets here.”

 

But Alex had already pushed the phone in her hand.  “Give her your address and apartment number,” she directed. She slowly put the phone to her ear, listening for the presence on the other end.  “Hello?”

 

It was like she could hear the nervousness in Tobin’s silence across the line.  She let a beat skip before answering, “oh, uh hi.” It pulled on her heartstrings to hear the lazy voice again, secretly loving the way Tobin seemed to falter around her.  She slowly and carefully mapped out the route up to her apartment without any hiccups before handing the phone back to Alex, who rewarded her with a wink.  “You’re okay, Christen Press,” she joked. 

 

It wasn’t long before their party of two became three, Tobin hesitantly knocking on the door to announce herself.  Alex jumped up and opened it, saving the other two from any awkward greeting.

 

“Hey Al, hey Chris.”

 

_ Chris. _

 

Only those who knew her really well called her that, but she kind of liked the way it rolled off Tobin’s tongue so easily.  “Hey Tobin, glad to see you.” She took in the girls once again relaxed appearance, a simple pair of skinny jeans and a plain white t-shirt, wavy locks tied up in a ponytail.  It sort of reminded her of the dozen of college-aged girls going to and from class, not bothering to put too much effort into their looks but still getting the job done.

 

Tobin really had brought enough to split between the three of them and she barely had thanked her before shoving some of the Chinese food into her mouth.  The only thing that tore her away from scarfing down the entire carton was the look that Tobin gave her from her spot on the floor.  The girl had noodles dangling from her chopsticks, suspended in mid air with an amused face studying her.  Christen did her best to play it all off but couldn’t help but laugh.  “I’m sorry! I’m so hungry!”  

 

Tobin shook her head and continued giggling at her expense, “hey I get it, I almost ate the fortune cookies on the way over here.”  

 

Alex’s eyes went wide at this with her mouth half-full. “Tobs please tell me you didn’t.  You  _ know _ they’re my favorite.”  The whine had an extra element of rasp in them, almost a squeak.  She couldn’t help but imagine this was the exact sound Alex made as she was climaxing in the throes of pleasure.

 

“Of course not, I even asked for a few extra,” Tobin pointed to the takeout bag on the table.  “If you want mine, I don’t mind.”  Alex popped up and laid a swift kiss on the side of Tobin’s head, who wrinkled her nose at the contact.  “My bestie is the best, isn’t she Christen?”

 

“I didn’t realize you two were such good friends,” Christen observed.  The pair seemed like somewhat polar opposites, but then she remembered some of her own friendships back in California.  She was like Alex; confident, assertive and outgoing. A few of her close girlfriends even resembled Tobin a little bit; quieter, reserved but overtly kind and easy to be around.

 

“Since the day we met, right Tobs?”  All the lanky brunette on the floor did was nod in agreement, happy to let Alex continue with the story.  “Tobs and Ashlyn were good friends in college at UNC and I knew Ashlyn from back in the day when she lived in Florida.  When I moved up here I called her as a kind of a lifeline and she brought this one to dinner one night.”   Christen began to connect all of the dots of the friendships in the group of girls she had met, now understanding what Ali had said about knowing Alex through Ashlyn.  

 

“She’s pretty much the only one who you can trust to keep a secret and she’ll pick up your call day or night,” Alex added.  Tobin seemed a little uneasy at the praise she was receiving, going so far as to glue her gaze to the floor.  But Christen admired these qualities in a person as much as she liked the  bold demeanor that Alex seemed to have.  Slowly but surely, she was starting to get a picture of both who Tobin and Alex were, and it was alluring.  She tried not to study them both, mostly because at that very moment she couldn’t decide who she found more attractive.  It started to feel like she was getting way ahead of herself and took a conspicuous deep breath to calm herself down.

 

Soon, the cartons and bags were empty, each girl silently letting the Chinese roll around in their full stomach.  Their conversation had mostly been subtle flirtatious banter between her and Alex, with Tobin contently interjecting when appropriate.  But her long day had finally caught up with her and she was spotted yawning into her glass of wine.  

 

“We should get out of your hair, Christen,” Alex offered when she noticed the sinking eyes and tired appearance.  It was her natural response to say ‘no’ and ‘you don’t need to do that’, but secretly she really just wanted to change into her pajamas and fall into bed.  Now, if either brunette wanted to join her she wouldn’t be outright opposed, but it seemed a little soon for that too. 

 

They helped clean up a little before they said their goodbyes, with Alex putting her number in her phone and promising to get dinner together sometime that week.  Tobin seemed to slink behind the taller girl so Christen gave her a break and decided not to embarrass her tonight, only thanking her for sharing dinner and letting her know she enjoyed it before they both left.

 

Christen had barely made it back to sink before a light knock came at the door.  She turned around and was a little surprised to see Tobin on the other side.

 

“Sorry,” Tobin started apologizing, looking completely guilty that she was back in front of her.  “I think I forgot my keys on the coffee table.”

 

Christen step aside to let her in, gesturing for her to go look.  “It’s okay, I’m glad you realized now before you got the whole way home.”  Tobin scooped them up and shoved them in her jacket pocket, agreeing with her point.  “Yeah, it’s not exactly a short walk,” she chuckled.

 

“East Village….” Christen recalled outloud, trepidation in her voice to make sure she was getting it right.  

 

Taking a few steps back in CHristen’s direction, Tobin gave a thumbs up.  “You got it.  Where you’ll find the best cup of coffee in the city and best art.”  Christen shot her a look that said she was doubtful, but the girl insisted.  “I swear, try any cafe in the area and I guarantee you won’t be disappointed.  But if you want the very best places I’m willing to give recommendations.”

 

She liked the way Tobin had opened up a little more tonight, even if it was something as simple as sharing coffee tips.  “I take my coffee very seriously,” she deadpanned as best she could.  “So I’ll keep this in mind.”

 

The two stood idly for a few moments before Tobin cleared her throat and shoved her hands in the pockets of her jacket.  She looked up to Christen intently watching her, something Christen  didn’t even realize she was doing.  Having Alex in her space felt familiar; a game she’d played often and something she was comfortable with.  But her time with Tobin also felt comfortable, maybe even safe if she had to describe it.

 

And she liked it.

 

“Well…” Tobin started to speak before Christen popped back into reality.  “Oh right,” she apologized since it was apparent she was blocking the only exit, the front door.

 

Tobin smile gratefully, slipping through the unclosed door in the meantime.  “Thanks again for letting me crash your hangout with Alex, it was really nice of you to do that.”  The way her words came out made Christen a little sad if she was honest, hoping she hadn’t ignored the girl too much in favorite of the taller brunette.

 

“Oh no, I’m so glad you came over,” she earnestly said.  And when she thought Tobin’s cheeks couldn’t get any redder, she saw a little more of a crimson color creep in.  “Tobin….” she found herself trying to get the girl’s attention; to look her in the eye.  Tobin finally obliged and looked up, the nervousness apparent behind her gaze.

 

Christen took a step forward into the hallway and slowly reached her arm out to gently hug the girl.  She could feel the soft locks brush against her cheek, her body stiff but still inviting as they lightly pressed together.  Tobin’s hand landed in the middle of her back, probably barely significant to anyone who didn’t find Tobin attractive.   But, she did.  “I hope we can hang out some more,” she genuinely told the girl with her nose getting lost in the scent of clean linen and a freshness she’d never experienced.  It was slightly intoxicating and knew she had to pull away to avoid making herself look desperate.  

 

They broke apart and she was rewarded with a comforting smile from the girl.  

 

“Yeah, I’d like that.”


	3. Kaleidoscope Eyes

“Five o’clock already?” Christen wondered aloud, not realizing her boss was standing right behind her.  She’d been out and about all day, meeting with vendors for the big event and running errands that no one else seemed to want to do.  But for her, she would do anything that pained in her the best light, eager to make a name for herself in any capacity.  Ali had even given her a longer lunch break to compensate, which she turned down in favor of calling local businesses for donations while scarfing down a yogurt in between attempts.  

 

It was finally Friday and although her weekend plans consisted of nothing but laundry and maybe a little shopping, she couldn’t wait to get home.  There was still a lot she could do to make her load lighter come Monday morning so she started to stuff papers into her oversized purse, thinking she could at least enjoy some takeout while mulling over them.  The perfectionist in her had already kicked in in less than a week. 

 

“You’re not seriously going to work this weekend, are you?” an amused voice asked over her shoulder.

 

Ali had her arms crossed and her eyebrows arched high into her forehead.  Christen looked at her guiltily before stopping.  “I just want to make sure everything gets done, you know?”  The older woman shook her head and offered a soothing touch to her arm, “they’ll get done, Christen.  You’ve done really well this week if I haven’t already said it.  I’m so happy you’re here with us.”  

 

Not that she ever fished for compliments or needed them, it felt good to her a little praise.  “Thanks, I am too,” she smiled.  

 

“Now,” Ali said more seriously, “join the girls tonight?  We’re headed to a BeerGairtenfor a bite to eat.”   Christen appreciated the invitation but thought about her liver, mostly because it was rare she went out twice in one week.  She scrambled to think of an excuse but was having trouble coming up with something on her feet.  Ali read her like a book and tried convincing her it would be fun.  “C’mon, the girls totally told me to invite you!  We want you to come!”

 

And it wasn’t that she didn’t believe her, mostly because they had all seemed to accept her when they’d been out on Monday night.  If Alex and/or Tobin were included in this group, she would feel a lot more comfortable since their get together on Tuesday.  When Christen had mentioned it to Ali, she seemed pleasantly surprised but peppered her with questions.  She could tell she was curious about the Alex connection, but didn’t outright say it.

 

“I don’t know, Ali, are you sure?  I don’t want them to think I’m pathetically tagging along.”  Ali rolled her eyes and pulled her phone out from her back pocket.  “I’ll prove it.”   Seconds later, Christen’s own phone buzzed in her purse.

 

_ Ali: Guys, I added Christen to the thread.  Please tell her she should come out with us tonight and that we won’t take no for an answer. _

 

She saw the texts pour in from unrecognizable numbers, all telling her she was wanted.  Then there was one that was a little more forward from a number she already knew.

 

_ Alex:  Better listen to your boss ;)  Besides, I want to see your face when I guess the right kind of beer for you tonight! _

 

That’s all it took for her to give in, happy to get the chance to have some attention from a beautiful girl to start her weekend.  She and Alex had texted a bit throughout the week and while she picked up on the vibes Alex was putting out, neither spoke of it.  Maybe this was another chance to feel her out a little and if she played her cards right, maybe a little feeling up too if Alex was willing. 

“I guess I have no choice, right?” she smirked, pushing her phone back into her purse.  Ali beamed and linked their arms together as they walked slowly down the office hall.  “You should just wear what you have on,” she gestured.  Truth was, Christen had felt pretty good getting ready for work that morning, picking out a dressy black jumpsuit that hugged her curves in all the right places while still looking professional.

 

She only smiled at the intended compliment and kept walking.  “So what time?”  They tossed ideas back and forth before Christen eventually just offered to go right there to get a table.  Ali insisted she’d be right behind her and the others would trickle in when they were finished with work.

 

But she was relieved to see Ashlyn and Kelley had beat her there, waving her over in the crowded spot.

 

“Oh my gosh,” she shouted over the noise, “this place is insane!”  Ashlyn chuckled at her reaction.  “Honey, it’s New York.  Every place is insane.”  Christen stuffed her purse underneath the picnic benches and reacquainted herself with the pair, genuinely interested in their lives as professional athletes.  She liked both of them; equally sweet and fun, which made her realize why Ali staked her claim on her girlfriend the moment she walked in.  

 

“Hi babe, good day?” Ashlyn hummed after a few lingering kisses right in front of Christen.  Ali kissed the spot right above her ear before taking a seat herself.  “Yeah, thank God for Christen,” she gestured.  All eyes were on her for a moment, making her feel proud and not the least bit embarrassed.  “But she’s going to run me out of a job though if I’m not careful,” the older girl half-joked.  Everyone laughed before Christen felt a pair of strong, but slim arms draped over her shoulders and a familiar voice spoke closely by her head.  “She is pretty great, isn’t she?”  

 

Christen loved feeling Alex pressed lightly against her back, her soft chest melding into her body.  She wanted to turn around fully and greet her, but wasn’t sure exactly how to handle that in front of the unfamiliar group.  Instead she leaned back into the girl ever so slightly, hoping she’d pick up on it.   Out of the corner of her eye she could see Ali and Ashlyn exchange a look, one that she wasn’t quite thrilled about and made her a little uneasy.  It was like they were having a silent conversation between them.   _ “See  that?”  “Yep, I  think there’s something going on there” _

 

Alex took the spot next to her, making sure there wasn’t any room between them.  Just the feel of her strong legs against her own was tempting, the electricity shooting through her body as they rubbed together.   “Don’t forget, I’m going to pick your beer,” she winked when they finally connected.  Christen flashed her best mysterious smile, knowing that there wasn’t any type of beer she truly enjoyed.  But she’d let Alex have her fun and keep the game going.

 

It was nice hanging out with a group of girls again since she’d missed her small circle on the other coast already.  They were tight knit, knew every last little detail about each other and because of the time difference Christen had a hard time connecting with them the past two weeks.  Here though, she felt like they were familiar already and she fit in so effortlessly.  She was even happier when she saw a bouncing blond approach the table, a sluggish brunette following her.  “Hi guys!” Allie called as she took her seat next to Alex, Tobin rounding the table to sit on the opposite end of where Christen was at.  

 

Christen watched her run her long fingers through the ends of her tussled hair before throwing it over her shoulder.  She looked like she’d just woken up from a nap, or maybe just washed her face.  Her skin was perfectly pink and warm looking and the smile that reached her eyes when she saw Christen was to do die for.  Christen threw up a little wave which was returned, a little less shy than their first ever encounter, but still a little timid.  

 

“So Christen,” Ashlyn interjected into the conversation now that the group was all there.  “Ali may have let it slip we have something common.  True or False?”  She knew exactly what the girl was insinuating, although the others may not have picked up on it.  “True,” she confidently spoke, watching Ashlyn’s lips curl upward.  

 

“Let me guess,” Ali  followed up, “you probably left some gorgeous Californian goddess brokenhearted  to come explore New York.”  

 

Kelley definitely caught onto where the conversation was headed and looked at her eagerly.  “Recent breakup?”

 

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, mostly because she wasn’t sure how much of her previous dating life she was supposed to share.  She didn’t really want them to know, especially Alex, that she wasn’t into anything too serious or that she hadn’t really had any long term relationships before.  If Alex gave her a go, she was sure it wouldn’t be anything serious, but it felt a little forward for her to be letting onto that just yet.  “About a year ago,” was all she could offer, hoping the subject would change.

 

“Did you end on good terms or bad terms?”  Ali was insistent, curious to know more about her co-worker.  And this, Christen definitely knew the answer to this one.  “Good for me, bad for her.”  She did her best to keep it casual like it wasn’t a big deal, scanning the menu while she spoke but barely reading a word.

 

“Her!” Allie squealed.  “Ohhhh, I get it now.”  Ashlyn rolled her eyes from across the table.  Christen looked up through her eyelashes to see Tobin listening to the conversation, seemingly neutral to the whole thing. Right next to her, Alex was intently focused, drinking in every ounce spilling from her mouth.  “Why was it bad for her?”

 

“I just…” she couldn’t really think of how to put this without making her sound bad.  “I don’t see the point in dragging something out that isn’t right.  I don’t think it’s fair to force something to work or string someone along when you know it’s not meant to be.  I know who I am and I know what’s best for me.”  The table sat in silence for a moment, each one processing the heavy answer that they probably didn’t expect to come from her.

 

Alex stood up from the table abruptly, six pairs of eyes tracking her as she went towards the bar.  Christen shot Ali a look, suddenly remembering what she’d told her about the Servando situation.  It made her feel a little bad, but it was truly how she felt about relationships and the returned look told her not to worry, Alex would be fine and she hadn’t said anything wrong.

 

The conversation steered away for the two minutes that Alex was gone, bringing back a drink for Christen and herself only.  “How’d I do?” the taller girl asked as she slid back into her previous spot.  Christen eyed the dark amber and immediately thought to herself there was no way she wanted to drink that.  But she wasn’t stupid, she was going to keep playing the game to keep Alex happy and interested.  Besides, it was nice to have someone doting on her and going out of their way to please her.  

 

“Not bad.”  Alex narrowed her eyes seductively with a little smirk playing on her lips.  “Not bad, huh?  But not good either, right?”   Christen laughed and simply nodded, not wanting to pretend like she actually liked it even the slightest.

 

“I’ll just have to keep trying, Ms. Press.”  Alex’s voice was low and barely recognizable and the pair got lost looking at each other with Alex’s smile faltering to something a little more smoldering.  Christen could feel the heat rising within in her as she noticed the flecks of what seemed to be green in the sea of blue staring her down.  She liked it; she liked being able to be so affected with just one look.

  
  


“You know,” Ali said loudly from across the table, looking right at the pair, “I think you’re right Christen.  It’s not right to stay in something that’s only going to hurt another person if you don’t feel the same way.”  The undertone of message was very  clear, but she couldn’t pinpoint whether it was meant for her or Alex.

 

Luckily, Alex jumped right in so she wouldn’t have to stumble over her words.  “Well sometimes it takes a while for feelings to grow; you can’t always be sure.”

 

She felt herself getting smaller by the second, hoping this would end quickly and without any confrontation.  It was obvious Ali and Ashlyn had picked up on what was brewing between her and Alex and it seemed they weren’t so happy about it.  “Yeah, but you shouldn’t put others in the middle of it all.  By the way, how’s Servando?”   Ashlyn was only staring at Alex now, her gaze fiery and serious.  Christen’s  head was tilted down towards the table, afraid to look up to see what kind of judgment she was getting.  

 

“Do you guys want to order a big thing of pretzels?” Kelley asked, totally oblivious to the tension around her as she studied the appetizer list. Allie nudged her with her elbow, telling her to pipe down so she could watch the show unfold.

 

“He’s great, thanks for asking,” Alex replied a little too sweetly, pretending to ignore the intention behind Ashlyn’s question as she dueled right back.  Looking between them, neither was going to back down willingly.  

 

Christen sipped her drink to hide her face when she heard the next question coming to her, “And you said you’re single, right Christen?  You should let me set you up with someone.”  The idea made her want to groan, hating the idea of being set up with someone who probably was all wrong for her, going on a date with someone who was just pretending to be the best possible version of themselves for a free dinner or  extending their night.

 

“Oh, I don’t..,” she was hesitant.  But Ali jumped in, thinking it was a great idea.  “Oh, I know just the person,” she gushed excitedly.  Ashlyn  nodded enthusiastically, “I know exactly who you’re thinking of.  Christen, she’s great.  You’ll like her.”

 

“I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to be set up.”  Alex had a bite to her now, all business.  “Do you, Christen?” she asked, everybody’s attention focused on her response.  

 

The hairs on the back of her  neck stood up, her head feeling light from thinking so quickly about what to say.  On one hand, she didn’t definitely didn’t want to be set up with a stranger, on the other she didn’t want to be rude.  The seconds ticked by loudly, like there was a giant clock in her brain measuring the time.  “I’m just trying to get settled into the city first, I think,” she lied.

 

Ali’s smile dimmed a bit, but still seemed hopeful.  “Of course, give it another week or two and we’ll talk about it.  I’m telling you, she’s great.  If I weren’t taken,” she nudged Ashlyn gently in the ribs teasingly, “I might be interested myself.”   Ashlyn jokingly pulled her in tightly around the neck, kissing her hair obnoxiously.  “You forgot to say  _ happily _ taken.”

 

Her smile back wasn’t the least bit genuine, like an actress in a play just waiting for the scene to end.  It almost hurt to be this fake but she couldn’t help it. She switched her almost-empty beer for water, feeling like she needed to slow the runaway train in her mind.  Her blood pressure was rising by the minute and after gulping down the glass of water she felt Alex whisper into her ear, she froze in her spot.  “Drink up, it’s Friday night babe.” 

 

The girl’s nickname hit her like a tidal wave and she saw Ashlyn studying them again as Alex let her hand linger on her thigh under the table.  It was like Alex had done it on purpose, to prove a point and her heart started to pick up the pace again.  She slowly clasped her legs together to let Alex’s hand fall to the side.  She avoided Ashlyn’s gaze until she couldn’t take it any longer.  “I’ll be right back,” she announced before getting up from the table in a hurry.

 

Christen burst out into the cool air of the late night, trying to get a grasp on her thoughts with her hands on her head.  Her brain and insides were both clouded, feeling like she was way in over her head.   _ C’mon Christen, don’t do this.  Don’t ruin your new friendships by being too aggressive. There’s tons of other girls out there, ones that wouldn’t be so complicated,  _ she coached herself.   _ Let Ali set you up _ ,  _ it could be good for you. _  And she believed every single word because up this point it  _ hadn’t _ been this complicated for her.  She could walk in anywhere and have her choice of women, so why should she ruin a good thing she had going and potentially piss off her boss?

 

She looked up to the sky, searching out the soft glow of the stars she usually admired when she was in need of a little soul searching.  But then she was reminded she was in one of the most populated cities in the world and there would be no stargazing tonight.  The bright lights of the city illuminated her face as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

 

“You okay?” a quiet voice followed behind her.  It wasn’t startling but it also wasn’t expected, if anything it was soothing even though it wasn’t really welcomed at that moment.

 

She turned around to see Tobin timidly watching her, hands unsure of what to do with each other.  The girl’s eyes bore into her with genuine concern.  “Yeah, I’m okay,” she assured her, somewhat embarrassed of her moment of weakness.  Tobin leaned back into the small wooden fence around the restaurant and patiently waited for her compose herself. 

“We can be an overwhelming group, I get it,” Tobin spoke after a minute.  Christen looked at her questioningly and snorted, “we?  Don’t you mean them?”  

 

Immediately she regretted her phrasing, but Tobin seemed to understand what she meant.  “Yeah they’re pushy, but they’re all really great girls.  It just might take a little to get used to.  You’ll catch up in no time.”  

 

“How long did it take you to ‘catch up’?” Christen asked, feeling better by the second.  Tobin let out a quiet laugh of her own and shook her head.  “I don’t know if I’ll ever get there, but I’m enjoying the ride.” 

 

Christen smiled and decided to change the subject.  She didn’t want Tobin to think she needed to save her and certainly didn’t want to let on what exactly bothered her.  “Do you ever get used to the lights?” she nodded up, towards the blinking.

 

Tobin followed with her eyes, fondly taking in their surroundings.  The faint sound of horns and shouts filled the night air but it was quiet and fragile still between the two of them.  “Yes and no.  I’ve drowned out most of it but at the same time I’m still in awe every day.  New York is pretty great,” she admitted.   Christen bobbed her head in understanding, “I like it so far.”

 

The stood next to each other, taking in the surroundings together without saying a word.  Tobin didn’t rush her and Christen appreciated that.  She was used to the opposite, being that person to tell someone else to buck up and get over it.  The calmness that Tobin brought with her was new and surprisingly, she craved it already. 

 

When she was finally ready to head back inside, she simply straightened up and took a deep breath.  Tobin must have gotten the hint and pushed herself from her position, ready to follow. “Hey Tobin?”  Christen stopped her, laying a gentle hand on Tobin’s arm to keep her from moving.  The younger girl looked at her momentarily before she spoke.  “Thank you.”

 

And she honestly, truly meant it. Tobin had been a saving grace in that moment because she wasn’t entirely sure she’d stuck around if it weren’t for her.  She had just talked herself out of getting too close to Alex when she’d made it all better so simply.    Tobin flashed a megawatt smile that nearly knocked her off her feet, “you’re welcome.”

 

The pair made their way back inside and she took her seat.  Tobin gave an encouraging smile and it was right then and there she realized those little moments they were having weren’t what she’d originally convinced herself of.  She liked Tobin; she wasn’t some girl that would roll over for her and she wasn’t some girl that could easily be picked up.  No, she was the type of girl that you invested your time and energy in because she was worth it.  

  
And it made her feel ashamed, thinking back to the whole reason she went outside in the first place.  She had no business jumping into anything, or  _ on _ anyone, so soon.  She wasn’t right for Tobin, but it was getting harder to convince herself that Tobin wasn’t for her.  So she just returned the smile and did her best to treat both Alex and Tobin like every other girl for the rest of the night, enjoying her new budding friendships.


	4. It Drives You Crazy

She made it four days with her “friends only” rule.

 

Alex had texted her nonstop, trying to make plans together, conveniently at either one of their apartments late into the evening.  Christen didn’t trust herself enough to keep it platonic, especially when they’d be alone and with a bed somewhere down the hallway.  The girl just had these eyes, ones that she wanted to swim in and make roll far back in her head when she went down on her.

 

But then, on the fourth day, Alex offered an alternative she couldn’t pass up.  

 

_ Alex: Come with me to a group meditation class tonight. I have free passes I need use by Friday. _

 

She’d admittingly fallen out of her workout routine since coming to the East Coast, unable to find a regular studio for yoga.  It would be safe, she reasoned.  Being in a big group would help keep some distance between them and she could totally work on the ‘friend’ thing in the meantime _.   _ After psyching herself up a little, she agreed.

 

_ Christen:  Sure.  Text me the address and time, I can meet you there. _

 

_ Alex: Why don’t I just pick you up :) _

 

Christen groaned into the silence of her apartment.  She knew if she saw Alex Morgan walk into her apartment in tight yoga pants she might not make it out.  There was no way she could let that happen.

 

_ Christen: I have some things to do before that, but I definitely want to come. _

 

_ In more than one way,  _ she joked to herself when she re-read the text.  Alex relented a little and told her they’d meet up in an hour.  That gave her enough time to shower quickly because even though she was just home from the office, she wanted to make sure she was as fresh as could be.  If she looked good, she’d feel good.  

When she found her way to the new address after walking more blocks than she’d previously made it through, she spotted Alex right away in a pair of hot pink leggings and a black top that cradled her chest, leaving a hint of cleavage she couldn’t help but admire.  She was dressed in all black herself, a conscious decision to make herself look slim and maybe a little sexy.  

 

Alex swept her into a hug first thing, pulling back to admire Christen’s most natural look. “I like your hair curly,” Alex reached out to take a few strands between her fingers.  Christen politely thanked her and practiced keeping her wall up to the best of her ability.  But she went back and forth, one minute wanting to just see if Alex was as delectable as she imagined, the next keeping it casual and on strictly friends terms.  “Should we lay our mats out?”  

 

“After you,” Alex gestured.  They got into their spots just in time before the instructor quietly called for attention to start the class.  Christen looked over to see a pair of long legs flexing in spandex right in her face.  She felt the hitch in her breath and quickly turned away so she wasn’t caught staring.

 

This was going to be harder than she thought.

 

But the rest of the class went well, both girls kept to themselves and followed along with the instructor.  She felt any tension she had in her body release, positive vibes flowing in her body and mind.  As the class quietly concluded they both rolled up the borrowed mats in unison.  She was feeling really good, so good that she almost had convinced herself she was totally past the Alex thing since she’d made it her mantra for the past 52 minutes.  Alex was her friend, only her friend.

 

“So are you ‘zen’ yet?” the brunette teased her, closing the space between them with the mat tucked safely under her arm.  Christen smiled, feeling so serene in the moment.  “I am, how about you?”

 

Alex looked anything but.  As she got closer and closer, making Christen back up against the mirrored wall, she could see the fire in her eyes.  The rest of the class was quickly filing out, leaving them behind and not paying attention to their lingering.

 

“It’s kinda hard to be when you’re sitting next to me, looking like that.” Christen started to falter, feeling Alex’s fingers brush up against her arms.  She had goosebumps and her eyes closed at the sensation, Alex’s sweet breath hitting her face.  All she could do was to deeply breath in the scent of perfume, something floral, that deeply embedded into Alex’s hair and skin.  Mint lingered in the air from the words she spoke, encasing them.

 

They stood there for what felt like forever to Christen and just as she was going to open her eyes she felt a pair of silky lips ghost over her cheek, finding their way against her ear.  “You’re just really attractive.”

 

Christen opened her eyes to stare directly into Alex’s as they found each other.  She let her head fall to the side and smirked.  This was the type of confidence; the type of building sexual tension she loved.  “Oh yeah?”  

 

Alex stepped in a little closer, pressing her body up against Christen’s chest.  Christen took one of the hands dangling at her side and gripped the girl’s hip to keep her in place. Her fingers could feel the pulsating from the body underneath them and the warm skin she ached to feel rub bare against her own. “Yeah.”  Each girl was trying to one up the other, Christen moving ever so slightly to rub against Alex’s frontside to get a reaction.

 

“As attractive as Servando?”  Not that she was any type of true homewrecker, Christen wanted to make sure the situation wasn’t serious.  She was getting mixed signals from Ali and Ashlyn and she didn’t want to be in the middle of a love triangle.  No, not even a love triangle because at this point it was pure lust between them.  She wanted a taste, but not if it meant screwing with the future of someone else. Before she made the next step, she wanted to hear directly from Alex.

 

The girl snorted, “does it look like I’m interested in him right now?”

 

She swallowed a thick lump forming in her throat.  Any moisture that had been there was now somewhere south, ready to be expertly taken care of in the form of long, delectable fingers.  This was it, this was the moment they were going to cross that invisible boundary they’d been tiptoeing around for a few weeks. “No, but I’m not sure quite what it is you want.” her voice moved an octave lower, somewhere around a whisper as her hand dug further into Alex’s side.

 

“Let me show you.”  She watched Alex’s darkening eyes lean in, coming right for her.  She let her eyes close as she felt the slightest bit of plushness brush against her lips and not in an innocent way.  It was teasing and tempting, just shy of passionate and demanding.  Christen instinctively wanted to pull away to make sure she wouldn’t lose herself but her senses had been seduced and she was done for.

 

“Excuse me, ladies?” 

 

The were interrupted by one of the instructors who was embarrassed to be breaking up their encounter and looked guiltily at them from the other side of the room. Alex sighed and let her head fall against Christen’s, whose lips were suspended in mid air.  It took her a second to get it together and compose herself, stepping from in front of her, brushing their shoulders as she walked by and offering an apology to the worker. “Sorry about that, we were just leaving.”  She turned  around and back pedalled slowly, making Alex grin. 

 

“That all you got, Morgan?”

 

…

 

Saturday morning had her up and moving much earlier than she’d expected.  Since her almost-kiss with Alex on Wednesday she’d been working round the clock on the event plans with Ali, making her bow out of group plans the night before to go see Ashlyn and Kelley’s game.   Alex had texted her a few times trying to persuade her, even throwing a selfie her way of a pout that made her want to bite the lips she’d felt against her skin

 

So she laid in bed thinking about what to do when she remembered she was in New York, the city that never slept.  Surely she could grab some coffee and maybe indulge in that yoga she’d been missing.  She pulled out her phone from the nightstand to google places when ‘the East Village has the best coffee’ echoed in her mind.  A little smile formed on her lips while she threw her phone down, already having made up her mind of where to go.

 

She set out on foot, not realizing how far it really was, but she liked the exercise. The window shopping alone was fun and after working up a sweat she settled on a cute little retro shop with tables on the street.  She’d even picked up a newspaper from inside to do a crossword puzzle, something she and her dad liked to do together when she was at home.

 

In the zone trying to figure out a seven letter word for happiness that began with ‘j’, a familiar figure crossed her line of vision.

 

“Tobin!” Christen shouted from across the street, seeing the girl responsible for her exploration now emerging from a little shop.  It was beyond her self-control to do anything but immediately call for her and the girl looked up in her direction before she could realize what she’d done and hide.

 

White teeth flashed from behind Tobin’s lips as she recognized her.  They were a little far from each other with cabs whizzing back and forth to have a conversation.  Christen took a chance and played charades with her hands, gesturing for Tobin to join her at the small table on the sidewalk where she was enjoying a pastry and the morning paper.  

 

Tobin looked both ways before crossing the street, now allowing Christen to see the oversized shopping bags in her hand.  She looked adorable this morning, Christen thought to herself, noticing for the first time that she was wearing  a pair of glasses. 

 

“Hey there,” Tobin greeted her.

 

Christen pulled out the chair, signaling for Tobin to take a seat.  “Hey yourself, what a nice Saturday surprise to run into you.”  And she meant it; Tobin had been floating somewhere in her mind over the last week despite her earlier thoughts to let her go.  They hadn’t connected since last Friday night and the girl was still somewhat of a mystery to her, but not in the way she’d ever been interested in getting to know girls before.  Something she couldn’t put her finger on genuinely intrigued her and despite her best effort to ignore the feeling, she couldn’t.

 

Tobin slid into the chair easily, setting the shopping bags down carefully.  “What are you doing in this part of town so early?” she asked.  Christen couldn’t help but give her a flirty reply, even though it was completely honest.  “A pretty girl I met told me the East Village had the best coffee in city so here I am.”

 

She noticed a pair of rosy cheeks next to her shift in the chair without reply.  “And I’m going to yoga in the park after this,” she followed up with, hoping it would spare Tobin some embarrassment.  “I’m going to make it my Saturday routine.”

 

It worked.  “Oh, nice!” Tobin exclaimed.  “Well you picked a great spot, what do you think of the coffee?”  

 

Christen smiled behind her mug, “I think the girl was spot on.  Why don’t you grab a cup yourself and join me?”   She watched Tobin’s eyebrows raise like it was an unexpected invitation before settling back to normal.  “Yeah, I think I have a little time to have a quick cup.”

 

She watched Tobin go inside and order a cup for herself, noticing the way she was dressed comfortably in a beanie and sweatshirt, looking cozy and warm.  Christen found herself wondering what it would be like to be cuddled up with the girl on her couch looking like that, and how quickly she’d give in to slipping her hands underneath to experience the warmth first hand.

 

When Tobin returned, she took the chance to ask a few questions herself.  “And what are you doing out and about this early on the weekends?”  She couldn’t see what exactly was in the big bags on the ground.  Tobin looked down to where she was gesturing, only to look back up and explain, “There was a good sale at that little shop across the street.  I needed to get some new oils and brushes for my classroom.  I’m starting a new unit next week and wanted to try them out myself first.”

 

“Classroom?” her eyebrow raised as she asked, trying to get a better idea of what she meant by that.

 

Tobin smiled kindly.  “I’m an art teacher.”

 

“You’re an art teacher?” Christen repeated, barely unable to recognize the surprise in her own voice as it came out.  Tobin clearly was surprised too, judging by the way she was blushing and timidly nodding in confirmation.  “Yeah, I am.”

 

Instantly, Christen’s head was filled with images of Tobin in a classroom, small children excitedly around her as she was talking and dabbing at a canvas in front of her.  She imagined Tobin with a smock hugging her petite body and little flecks of paint on her cheek, maybe even her tongue poking out ever so slightly in concentration.

 

The idea of children was distant in her mind.  Not that she didn’t like them, she just didn’t have much experience and wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle them.  But Tobin, something about the thought of her interacting and spending all her time with them gave her butterflies.  “That’s not at all what I pictured, but I think that’s really great,” she made sure to say as honestly and gently as she should.  Tobin seemed to be relieved and exhaled a bit, gaining confidence to elaborate.  

 

“Yeah, I teach kindergarten through eighth grade at a prep school on the upper East Side.  Pretty swanky place and I’m not sure how I ended up there, but I really do love it.  The kids are sweet and let’s be honest, it’s not like I’m teaching algebra or chemistry.  It’s fun.”  She was glowing while she spoke, showing this was something that really mattered to her.

 

“That’s awesome,” Christen agreed.  She continued to think about it for another minute before interjecting with enthusiasm, trying to put the pieces together.  “Wait! Does this mean you have your summers off?  You have a long vacation?!”  

 

The crinkle of Tobin’s eyes and laugh behind her smile were so damn cute she tried to think of another joke or question right on the spot.  “Yeah, I get about eight or nine weeks off over the summer.  It’s a sweet gig.”  

 

“So, what do you do with that time?”  CHristen couldn’t imagine having more than a week off at a time; she’d never been one to take a day off voluntarily.  Holidays, Spring Break, summers during college were meant for getting ahead on work or projects, preparing for what was ahead.  It didn’t mean she didn’t do some of those things while laying on the beach or in the car  during road trips, but never for an extended period of time.

 

Tobin seemed to be having an internal struggle on how exactly to phrase what she wanted to say.  Christen saw her lips move a little, then pause, then start again.  “I kind of just do whatever, I guess.  Sometimes I’ll go stay at my parents’ house for a few days, watch my nephews if my sister needs help, hang out with friends.  Oh and once a week I teach a class for kids at the school, like a summer enrichment.  I don’t know, I don’t really have a master plan.”

 

That kind of uncertainty would kill Christen.   Not knowing exactly what her time was supposed to be used for or what she had to accomplish just would drive her (and everyone around her nuts).  But Tobin seemed just fine with the arrangement, and for the first time Christen was a bit jealous of her...or of anyone really.

 

Christen was never jealous of anyone because she never had a reason to be.  If there was something that someone else had that she liked, she bought it.  If she liked the way another girl’s outfit looked or her hair was cut, she did it even better.  But this was different, this was a personality trait that had to be learned and practiced with great care.  The ability to just be idle and unsure wasn’t something she could pick easily.

 

“That’s really great,” she came up with, not loving how it rolled off her tongue.  Tobin didn’t seem to notice though, sipping her coffee and asking a question of her own.  “Do you miss LA?”

 

She’d only been here three weeks but so far she could honestly answer, “I really like it here.  It’s different and I think I needed a change.  The people are pretty great, too,” she gave a knowing look to the girl in the glasses.  Tobin seemed a little flustered at the compliment and dipped her head after allowing herself to smile.   “You’ve lived here your whole life, right?” she tried to confirm based on what Alex had told her.

 

“Yeah, born and raised.”  The answer was short but complete, and Tobin didn’t seem like she was going to expand.  Christen followed up, “So you’ve lived in Manhattan all that time?”  

 

Taking another long sip of her coffee, Tobin only hummed affirmatively.  It was apparent she was being polite and answering the questions, but it didn’t seem to be anything she really wanted to talk about at length.  “But you went away for college, to UNC?”

 

This made Tobin light up and rejoin the conversation.  “Oh yeah, best four years of my life.  That’s how I met Allie and Ashlyn.  We all played soccer together.”  

 

“Ah, another collegiate athlete, nice to know another member of the group,” Christen joked.  Brown eyes behind large frames widened at her.  “You played soccer?” the voice dripped with an unconvincing tone.

 

She laughed, “No way.  I could never do team sports.  I played tennis, singles to be specific.  I can’t be depending on others to win, it’s better to take the game into your own hands.”  Tobin looked at her thoughtfully, almost a little apprehension slipping in.  Christen hadn’t known her long but knew there was something she was thinking.  “What, you don’t agree?  When you played soccer, didn’t you get pissed off when people did things wrong and want to do everything yourself?” 

 

Tobin shook her head slowly back and forth.  “I love being apart of a team, I think it’s nice to share the highs and lows with others.  I guess I always just tried to do whatever I could to help the team and be my best for them.  I didn’t want to let anyone down.  I think it pushes you when you know someone else is counting on you.”  The answer was so transparent and if she had to be honest, perfect.  It made her look at Tobin in a different light again, realizing that what was on the surface was only the beginning of her.  She surprised her every time she opened her mouth in a good way; in a way that made her yearn for more.

 

“I’ve never thought of it like that,” she said in awe.   

 

They let a comfortable silence envelope them as they sipped the rest of their caffeine, Christen prolonging their time together as long as possible before she couldn’t hide her empty mug anymore.   She started to push it away from her and carefully make sure she had her yoga mat and backpack ready to go.

 

“Are you going to Allie’s party tomorrow?”  Tobin interrupted her quiet thoughts.  It caught her off-guard, especially because the question seemed to be bold when she was used to a more gentle approach from the pretty girl.  Allie hadn’t invited her directly, but both Alex and Ali had mentioned that she was welcomed to come through text.  

 

“Are you?”  she asked instead of giving an answer.

 

Tobin silently laughed, “like I have a choice.”  It was apparent the two girls were pretty tight, but their personalities were so different that Christen had a hard time understanding how the friendship worked.  “Then I guess I’ll see you there,” she replied, noting how her answer seemed to brighten Tobin’s face even more, if it was possible.  


	5. Wanted Something More

For the second time, she had trouble finding the perfect outfit for a get together.  It was almost as if the change in coasts had brought a bit of humility to her, but deep down she knew it was because of the people she had met.  Specifically, both Alex and Tobin.

 

Tobin was so different than any other girl she’d ever been interested in.  The girl didn’t fall all over her or fight for attention, she didn’t shower her with compliments or play hard to get.  She simply existed and Christen found herself craving her company.  It might have been how sincere and kind she was when holding a conversation, or maybe it was the way she was comfortable with herself.  The feeling she gave Christen was refreshing and it also didn’t hurt she was one of the most naturally beautiful she’d ever laid eyes on.  From her head to her toe, everything was genuine and real.  Maybe that’s why she couldn’t stop thinking of her the night before.

 

Still, she had no idea whether Tobin would be a good match for her based on their differences.  Doubts had crept in and told her that she was more suited for someone just like her; someone who wasn’t afraid to say exactly what they wanted and make it known.  Someone who never settled and easily got bored, not comfortable in their situations.  

 

That description met Alex for sure.  They were still texting consistently, nothing too heavy  but their intentions were clear.  They weren’t ‘buddies’; the only type of friendship they would have was one of physical convenience.   So she made her outfit decision based on the two, a simple black shift dress with a statement necklace that was conservative up top, but showed off her legs and narrow waist.  

 

When she entered Allie’s already noisy and busy apartment, she knew she made the right decision.  Pairs of eyes from guys and girls alike tracked her as she parted the crowd to find someone she knew.  Luckily, the first was Alex, who made her satisfaction known.  

 

“You look really good,” she gushed as she leaned in for a small hug, brushing her lips lightly over Christen’s cheek for a friendly kiss.  “Black is a good color on you.”  Her cheeks heated up under the cool sensation of Alex’s lips until the pair talked for a few minutes, enjoying have some time to catch up on their respective weeks before something caught Alex’s eyes.

 

“Tobs! Look who made it!”  

 

Christen whirled around to see Tobin carrying a tray of appetizers from the kitchen, now heading in their direction.  She let her eyes linger on Tobin’s body underneath her signature jeans and simple t-shirt, a snapback over of flowing locks.  It was all she could do not to drool at the sight of her.  “Hey, mini-quiche?” she offered, holding the porcelain plate.

 

She picked one up and popped it in her mouth to avoid saying anything stupid now that both Alex and Tobin were standing with her, perspiration starting to collect on her brow.  Christen didn’t know how to balance the two and thankfully she didn’t have to for long.

 

Alex laid a soft hand on her elbow.  “You’re going to need a drink,” she realized.  “Let’s see, I’m going to figure this out.”  She tapped her perfectly manicured finger against her chin, narrowing her eyes on Christen’s.  “It wasn’t the whiskey sour, not beer…Oh!”  Her eyes popped open wide, “Margarita! You definitely seem like the spicy type,” she said.  

 

Christen laughed and pretended to zip her lips shut as she watched Alex stalk away on a mission.  Beside her, Tobin let out a small snort before shoving an appetizer in her own mouth.  “What, something funny?”  Christen wanted to know what was going through the girl’s head as she studied the amused look on her face.

 

Tobin finished chewing and without looking at her said, “It’s not a margarita.  She has no idea what it is.”  She wasn’t wrong, Christen admitted to herself before playfully challenging, “And what makes you think that?  How would you know what it is?”  

 

A pair of piercing eyes met hers as Tobin turned to face her completely.  “I just know,” she shrugged.  Christen wanted to know why, but had trouble finding the words to ask again.  Tobin looked back and forth between her eyes, almost staring straight into her, deeper.  “You like margaritas I’m sure, but I think you’re simpler than that.  You’re more…” she paused for a second to think, “classic.  Like champagne probably,  something that takes confidence to carry around but is sweet.  I just think that suits you.”

 

Christen’s jaw dropped when she heard what Tobin had to say because she had hit the nail on the head.  Christen loved champagne, ordering it every chance she got and keeping an extra bottle or two in her refrigerator.  Tobin nervously looked at her like she had just realized she’d spilled her thoughts aloud and was waiting for any type of reaction.

 

The two gazed at each other for a few moments before something cold hit Christen’s hand.  “One margarita, made specially for you,” she heard.  Alex was proudly handing it to her.  She took it and sipped once appreciatively and then went back to look at Tobin, who was still watching her carefully.  “Thanks, Alex.  It’s good, but it’s not my favorite.  I prefer something a little more...refined,” she hinted.

 

She swore she saw relief flood Tobin’s face and then settle into understanding.  “I should get these to other people before Allie yells,” she quietly said, a small smile playing on her lips.  As she walked away, she looked back once more to see Christen watching her, both fully smiling now.  It made her heart flutter a bit, knowing how well Tobin could read her already; take the time to really  _ see  _ her.

 

“Ugh,” Alex groaned.  “Fine, I’ll try again later.  Let’s go find the others,” she pulled Christen along into the crowd to find people she knew.

 

But Christen kept looking for Tobin all night, only spotting her from a distance in conversation with just about everyone there.  She still had fun, getting to know Ali and Ashlyn as a couple even more, meeting some of Allie’s friends and even her boyfriend.  Alex was floating around the room too but kept coming to check on her.  “Do you want something to else to drink?” she brushed up against Christen’s backside, whispering lowly into her ear.  It gave her goosebumps, thinking of the way Alex would feel a little closer, against the sensitive skin of her neck.

 

“I think I’m okay,” she said, not wanting to cloud her mind too much with alcohol.  At that moment, she connected eyes with Tobin across the room, earning a small wave and bigger smile.  

 

“Do you want to maybe leave a little early and grab a bite somewhere?” Alex asked even quieter, the suggestion in her voice overly apparent.  But Christen couldn’t take her eyes off of the brunette across the room and immediately shut Alex down.  “I’m good staying here….” her voice drifted off as she watched Tobin drop her eyes to the ground shyly, before coming back up.  

 

She walked slowly, not even realizing her feet were carrying her into the direction she was looking.  Tobin stood frozen in her spot, watching her, making her realize that she was going to have to go the full way.

 

When Christen got there, she wasn’t even sure what to say.  But Tobin didn’t seem to mind, patiently waiting for her to feel comfortable enough to speak.  “I haven’t talked to you all night,” Christen finally said, heartfully disappointed.  

 

“I’m sorry,” Tobin apologized just as earnestly.  “I was put on food and drink refill duty.  Can’t make the birthday girl upset,” she half-joked.  

 

“No,” she agreed, shyly letting her eyes find her feet instead of the sweet brown ones looking at her.  The apartment was feeling way too hot and way too crowded at that moment, making her want to escape to have even just a minute alone with Tobin.  She wasn’t sure why, it wasn’t like she’d take the girl out into the hallway for a quick makeout session or try to get her off behind the locked bathroom doors.  All she really wanted was a second to bask in her company and hear her voice soothingly talk about nothing in particular.

 

What she hadn’t realized was that Alex was hot on her trail, following closely.  “You guys,” she butted in the conversation in a serious but low tone, “Serv just got here.  I really don’t want to stay, we had a huge fight earlier and I can’t even look at him.  Come on Christen, please go get something to eat or something with me.  We can come back later if you really want.”  Christen looked to Tobin who genuinely seemed disappointed that the pair were making plans to leave.

 

“Oh, uh,....” she stumbled over her words not sure exactly how to tell Alex she really didn’t want to go. 

 

“Why don’t we tell Allie we ran out of something.  We can go get a drink around the corner then come back, maybe he’ll be gone by then?”  Tobin suggested, making herself part of the plan.  Alex slung her arm around Tobin and pulled her in for a half hug.  “Good idea, Tobs.  I’m going to make it obvious I’m leaving and get my coat.  You just let Allie know what’s really going on so she doesn’t freak and Christen..” she looked her up and down obviously, “you stand there and look pretty.”

 

She almost gasped at Alex’s forwardness in front of Tobin, mostly nervous of what Tobin would think but partly hoping no one else was eavesdropping on their conversation.  The girl seemed oblivious thought, bobbing her head in agreement with Alex’s plan.

 

The trio met by the door a few minutes later after Alex had insistently said goodbye as loudly as she could to every other partygoer.  Christen took the opportunity to really take a look Servando, realizing there wasn’t much she knew about him.  The only impressions she had of him were from what others had fed her, but he stood conversing with friends and she couldn’t find anything that was unattractive.  Why wouldn’t Alex really commit to him? What was it that she had that he didn’t?

 

As if reading her thoughts, his head snapped up and he offered a friendly nod.  She returned it with her heart beating out of her chest like she’d been caught doing something wrong when Tobin walked in front of her and blocked the view.  

 

“Ready to go?” she questioned with a soft smile.  Christen was grateful Tobin taken control of the situation because right now.

 

Alex joined them in the hallway before they could have any type of private conversation. They agreed on a little dive bar just around the corner where Tobin graciously ordered them drinks.  Christen requested just a soda, becoming more and more aware that she was confused about how she felt about the two girls across from her and didn’t want to make a fool of herself.

 

“Wanna talk about it?” Tobin slid Alex’s beer in front of her,  easing into the reason for their abrupt departure from the party.   Alex swirled her beer around in the full glass, avoiding eye contact with both of them.  She sighed heavily before letting it all out.  Small tears escaped from the corners of her eyes.

 

“It’s stupid,” she huffed out.  Tobin laid a gentle hand on her back, willing her to continue.  “He asked if I wanted to go to dinner then come to the party together tonight.  I told him no and he freaked out.”

 

“Why wouldn’t you want to go to dinner with him?”  Christen wondered aloud, surprised she was going to interject herself into the conversation.  It seemed a little weird considering what had been happening between them despite no one else, especially Tobin, really knowing.

 

Alex gave her a baffled look, one that confirmed exactly what was running through her own head.  “Doesn’t that send the message that we’re more than what we really are?  Going to a party together where everyone we know will be?”  To Christen, she thought she had a point.  But Tobin seemed to see it differently.

 

“I mean, I kinda think people already know you’re...well, whatever.  That there’s something going on there,” she defended the other person in the equation.  “Do you not like him anymore?  Is that what it is?”

 

The taller brunette dropped her head and shook it gently.  “It’s not that.  He really is great, I just - he wants a lot from me.  I don’t think I can give that to him.”

 

Christen understood exactly what Alex meant.  Committing to someone was a big deal; something she had really only done half-heartedly once before.  Why spend your time with someone when it didn’t feel right?  Why force yourself into a position to conform to an ideal?   Monogamy wasn’t ideal for people like the two of them, no, they preferred to sample a little bit of everything.

 

Tobin wasn’t having it.

 

“Then I think you need to cut the cord for good.  He has feelings Alex, and it’s not fair to screw with them.”  

 

“What would you know about this kinda of thing?” Alex shot back, clearly annoyed that Tobin wasn’t on her side and feeding her advice she didn’t want to hear.

 

Immediately, Tobin’s face revealed the tiny bit of hurt from Alex’s comment.  It sunk Christen’s heart to see her like that and to hear Alex say anything negative to her friend.   “I think what she’s trying to say,” Christen interjected, “is that if you know what you want, that’s okay.  If that’s not him, you should speak up because it might be better for everyone, including you.  Everyone wants something different. ”  

 

“I know I’d rather be having fun with someone who can handle me,” Alex quipped, not blinking once.

 

“I think it’s better to be with someone who will take the time to listen to you.  Someone you can really trust and grow with,” Tobin countered softly, her line of vision right at Christen’s eyes.

 

Looking back and forth between the pair of friends, they both were giving her wanting gazes; Alex’s brilliant and intense while Tobin’s was soft and adoring.  Neither seemed to notice the other.

 

It was then she realized it.

 

She was screwed.


	6. Girls and Girls

It was Saturday night and Christen found herself trudging up stadium steps, facing the focused expressions of the fans with her back to the field where two of her friends were playing. Ali had all but begged the group to make it out Jersey that night so they could cheer on her girlfriend to an important three points in the standings for playoffs. Christen really didn't have anything better to do but was a bit nervous about making the trip herself, especially since everyone was coming and going from different spots in the city.

She spotted Alex first, who was staring happily at her as she made her way into their row. Her slender hand gave a confident wave, appreciating the way Alex looked so casually dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, a baseball cap and side braid. “Hey Christen, you made it,” she said enthusiastically, Allie and Ali nodding agreement beside her. Christen stripped off a light jacket she brought, feeling how warm the air was now.

“I'm here,” she confirmed happily, noticing Tobin for the first time in the row ahead of her, complete with a replica jersey and engrossed in the game between a pair of guys she didn't really recognize.

She was bored in the first few minutes, not really understanding the rules of the game or what was happening besides knowing she was getting a mild case of whiplash from ball watching. Most of her attention was fixated on Alex’s weight pressed into her side ever so often, her sides and slight touch of her breast rubbing on her. Thankful the chilly night air kept her temperature stable, she did her best to not let Alex work her up.

Her eyes fixated on the row ahead of her, trying to figure out just how the two guys on either side of Tobin were linked to the group. She didn't particularly love the way the shorter one had his arm behind Tobin's back, mostly just for comfort, but the image was unsettling.

Alex counted down, or up really, until halftime hit, stretching her body to reveal a slight sliver of soft, peach skin on her stomach.

“I have to pee,” Alex stood abruptly, announcing her urge to anyone willing listen. Ali linked arms with her, “Me too. Christen? Tobin? Either of you wanna come?”

She politely declined while she watched Tobin’s long locks whip around for the first time, meeting her gaze.

“Oh hi, Chris,” Tobin’s wide eyes gave away her surprise. “I didn't know you were here,” she admitted sheepishly Christen laughed to herself, knowing full well that Tobin wouldn't have noticed an atomic bomb going off if the game was still being played. She's been watching her as the half went on, loving how you could read every thought rolling through her head by the way she would grip the bleachers, or shift her body at a tough pass. “Well thanks a lot for noticing ” she jokingly rolled her eyes.

Tobin had the good graces to look somewhat embarrassed but ultimately met her eyes again. “Wanna grab something from concession stand with me?” Christen asked, hoping to have even just a moment with Tobin alone. In the crowd of people, she knew the girl's presence would calm her a bit, give her a sense of belonging.

She was met with crinkled eyes and a blinding smile, gesturing for her to lead the way. “So what should we get?” Tobin asked as they slowly meandered through the crowd to the look at the menu above. “Something salty like pretzels?”

Christen pretended to be in deep thought, tapping her chin. “I was thinking something sweet, maybe like chocolate M&Ms.”.

“Hmmm,” Tobin hummed. “Maybe we should just get both, that's a big decision.” Christen kept the act up, grimacing at the suggestion. “Tobs, that's gonna cost like 5 whole dollars. I don't know if we can afford it.”

Tobin smirked for a half second before resuming her own character. “You're right, and like, we haven't even talked about drinks yet. Totally breaking the bank.”

Christen leaned into the girl, giggling as she spoke. “Ok, how about I get the drinks, you get the food and we'll call it even?”

“Perfect.”

Christen waited patiently for Tobin to get her change before walking back up their seats. When the approached their row, some were standing and some were sitting. She could see the uncertainty on Tobin's face as to where to sit, now that they were sharing. It was almost like she could hear the questions in Her head, “do I go back to my spot? Should I let her tell me where to sit?”

She smiles to herself before suggesting, “hey Tobs, sit next to me, I don't want anyone else to steal my M&Ms and I don't think I'm strong enough to fend off Allie from this popcorn for long.”

Allie’s head popped up at the mention of her name. “She's right, Harry. Better eat quickly.”

Alex on the other hand seemed displeased, giving a sour face as she scooted down so Tobin could be in between them. Christen settled in closely to Tobin, just barely touching their knees together as they ate. It wasn't long before everyone else was tuned in for the second half and Tobin was again entranced by the game.

“You're really into this,” Christen whispered lowly to her, not wanting to open the conversation to anyone else listening.

Brown eyes found hers and the joy in them was apparent. “I can't get enough,” she admitted. “Sports junky for sure, but mostly soccer.”

For the two seconds Tobin looked away and held eye contact with someone other than a ball that night, a shot was perfectly placed in the upper right corner, past Ashlyn. The groans were audible, none louder than Ali.

“They can't lose this game, she'll be in a bad mood all week,” she complained.

Alex snorted, “it's just a game. She'll get over it.”

No one spoke, the retort delicately hanging in the air. Ali defensively rolled her eyes and Christen couldn't help but shudder at the insensitivity of the girl she’s had her eye on.

“Maybe to you Lex, but this is her livelihood. She puts all of her time and effort into this,” Tobin quietly spoke, so soft Christen had to lean in to hear her.

She felt the strings in her heart tug while looking at the profile of the girl. Tobin really was a loyal friend, someone who truly cared about others in an endearing way that she couldn't help but admire.

Alex bumped her shoulder into Tobin, “oh you're just jealous it's not you out there anymore,” she snickered. “Soccer is the only thing you know how to love.”

Tobin's head faltered, making Christen’s anger start to rise. Not only was she insulting Ashlyn but now she was being condescending to Tobin, again, who didn't do anything to deserve it. The way Tobin hung her head at the teasing was something she never wanted to see again, the protectiveness in her boiling over.

“Lucky soccer.”

The words were blurted out so confidently before she knew what she was even saying. A couple of heads turned, including Tobin's who was looking at her with a mixture of confusion and wonder. Christen quickly pretended to focus on the game, like what she had admitted wasn't that important; that it didn't need to be elaborated on.

Her heart was racing while on the outside she looked cool, calm and collected. Soon it all seemed forgotten and the cheers and jeers resumed. But when she reached to rip off a piece of soft pretzel, Tobin's darted out to lay on top hers.

Christen looked up and they connected while she felt her hand being squeezed. A small, soft smile was all she could see, angelically framed by the bright stadium lights. She knew what it was about; Tobin was thanking her for speaking up when she needed it most.

Maybe Tobin let her hand linger longer than necessary, and Christen didn't dare blink so she would look away.  
It was a moment that stretched on for what seemed forever and not long enough at the same time. It was their moment and the second it was over, she wanted it again.

She liked Tobin, there was no denying it anymore. It was hard to find anything about her she could argue against. And to Christen it was new and exciting, the feeling of constant contentment in the simple company of one person.

It pained her when the final whistle blew and the group dispersed, Alex and Tobin leaving together. Christen watched them walking away, shaking her head at how naive she'd been the first night she met the pair. She painted Tobin as someone she could get to easily, who would succumb to her usual prowess.

It was the opposite now and the way Tobin turned back one last time to give a small wave and genuine smile told her everything she'd never seen coming.

She was the one at Tobin’s mercy.

…

  
She'd never been this stressed at work.

Usually it was easy, so simple that there was no need to even come into an office. Her bosses trusted her, maybe even more so than themselves, to get it right. But she and Ali were on their third consecutive night of working past 7, trying to perfect every detail.

“Hungry?” A pair of soft hands covered her eyes that had been squinting at seating charts and guests lists for hours, the smell of something exotic floating around her nose.

She knew who it was, and while the gesture was sweet she was disappointed it wasn't the girl who had occupied her mind all week.

“Hey Alex, yeah I am. How'd you know?” She did her best to put on a smile, still grateful for the interruption so late into the workday.

The taller brunette leaned against her desk, bending ever so slightly to reveal a hint of cleavage from her work out top. “You've turned me down twice already this week for dinner since you're working so hard, so I figure I'd bring it to you,” she simply explained.

It was true she had to work late a few nights this past week but she could have made dinner work if she really wanted. But as the weeks had gone on she realized Alex had lost some of the shine she'd previously held. Christen began to see her as a dime a dozen, nothing more special than the previous girls she'd preyed on. Instead it was Tobin who had started to get her attention, in a way that both excited and terrified her. Of course, she couldn't tell Alex any of this so she resorted to becoming unavailable and hoped they could find common ground as just friends.

“Well thanks, would you like to sit so we can share?” She moved some papers off her desk, selfishly trying to make this as informal as possible. Alex scooted close to the edge and laid everything out so they could pick at her choices. She licked a finger that had gotten some sauce on it while she started to talk.

“Hey Christen, uh, I just wanted to clear something up.”

Christen wracked her brain as to why Alex felt the need to use a serious tone she hadn't heard before from her. When she came up empty handed, she just nodded, encouraging her to continue.

Taking a deep breath with all seriousness in her eyes, she started to apologize. “I was kinda a jerk at the game on Saturday and said some things I shouldn't have. I just wanted to say that's not usually me and I'm sorry.” Her mind drifted back to the things she said to Tobin, this time it was sadness instead of anger. “Yeah,” she admitted pretty directly, “thanks for that. I was a little surprised you talked to Tobin that way.”

Alex’s deep blue eyes welled up with tears. “I apologized to her too, which she accepted.” Of course she did,she thought.

“I guess, and I don't know why, I was just trying to be funny. I wasn't thinking it would hurt her. I guess I've just been having a hard time lately and that's how I deal with it.”

The sincerity in her words and emotional showcasing was slowly but surely making Christen feel for her. “Still upset about Serv?” she guessed.

The girl nodded slowly, not willing to make eye contact. Christen could see it was hard for her to talk about it, so she patiently waited, allowing her all the time she needed.

“I don't do relationships, I'm no good at them,” she rasped out eventually. “I would only end up hurting him and I keep telling him that. It's like he doesn't believe me and keeps pushing.”

Christen understood this better than anyone, knowing Alex meant she just wouldn't be able to give her all to one person. From past experience she'd never done well with it either. “And you're afraid to even try because you care that much about preserving what you already have, right? You're happy to keep it casual?”

Her head snapped up and looked at her like she was shocked at the words. “Yes,” Alex whispered. “People think it's the opposite, that I don't care enough about him. But I do care, and I don't want to be the one to screw him over.”

She nodded, letting her know she understood. “I know what you mean. It doesn't make you less of a person, Alex. Some people are just different, they're fulfilled in different ways. Not every connection needs to be butterflies and deep to care about someone. If what you two have makes you happy, that's okay.”

Alex’s hand found a soft spot on her thigh, bare from the skirt she'd worn riding up dangerously high while sitting. “I knew you'd get it. We're a lot a like, I think. We fit together well.” She felt a squeeze and saw Alex wink at her, the suggestive and flirty tone returning to her voice.

She didn't know know what to say, awkwardly feeling this was about to turn into something she was convincing herself she didn't want. Alex gazed down her lips and if she wasn't mistaken, started to leaning in.

“Well,” Christen said loudly leaning away, “we must be if you knew how I liked my salad. Alex took the rejection in stride, smirking at her effect on Christen. She changed the subject to Alex’s job, listening to her drone on about her own stress. Halfway through she had to admit she was bored, the lack of enthusiasm for her work apparent.

Alex worked for one reason: to make money. Christen couldn't imagine that, not loving what you do. Her thoughts drifted back to the conversation she'd had with Tobin, the genuine pride and joy she had for her position evident.

And as if on cue, her phone buzzed.

Tobin: Hey, I know you’re probably working late for your event. Ashlyn said you and Ali have been swamped this week. Hope it goes well. I'm sure it will since you're in charge :)

Butterflies, she thought. 


	7. I Could Dance To This Beat

It was only 7 o’clock, just the start of the event and Christen was spent. She'd been at the venue since 7 a.m., putting the final touches to make it a whimsical and enchanting atmosphere, no expense spared. The sky-high glass ceiling started to darken, the night stars perfectly twinkling to match the abundance of candlelight on the dozens of tables. The air was thick with the scent of fresh flowers, all delivered at the very last minute, causing her to slightly panic.

She'd barely had time to change into her floor length white gown, high at the neck, that had been sitting in her closet for an occasion like this.. She threw her hair up in a makeshift, but timeless bun and applied a little makeup. All in all, she knew she couldn't do much better with the time constraint.

She looked back at herself in the mirror, taking a deep breath before the real chaos would start. She wiped off a bit of extra lipstick from the corner of her mouth, tracing her fingers over her lips. As she stared at her reflection, the thoughts came creeping in of just how close Alex had been to kissing those lips, not once but twice. Christen shuddered at the thought, feeling a pang of guilt at what could have been. They really had a nice time over the dinner Alex brought once she stopped overthinking it and treating her like any other friend she had. Maybe Alex noticed too, because she seemed relaxed as they chatted and she felt like she'd really gotten somewhere with it. She'd be lying if she said she was sad to see her go.

That's where her head was these days, swimming between unfamiliar feelings and lost in the unknown. Maybe this event was just what she needed, a distraction from her own personal saga. She quickly realized it was a just a fantasy world, watching the fancy people filter in in their very best tuxedos, sparkly gems and expensive purses.

“Feeling like you don't fit in?” Ali whispered behind her. Christen smiled, “my bank account would agree. I've never seen so many diamonds.” The two were sorting through papers, checking off the guests as they entered. Ali did her best to get everyone's names, mentally storing them to make sure the important ones were taken care of.

Everyone seemed kind enough, greeting her and giving their best smiles. But it started to become repetitive and every man and woman started to look the same. They were something she never particularly aspired to be.

“Christen, do we have any open seats at table 18 or 19?” Christen barely heard the whispered question behind her as she registered a familiar silhouette, lanky but strong, looking slightly different than what was etched in her memory.

“Tobin!” Christen rushed to put down her clipboard on the table closest to her, her co-worker’s question all but forgotten. “What are you doing here?” she leapt towards the lighter brunette, pulling her by the hands to wrap her arms around the girl’s delicate body. She swayed in place, under the spell of the perfume coming from Tobin’s neck, where her head was nuzzling into gently. Christen inhaled deeply as she got lost, hoping the sensation would stay with her the rest of the night.

If Tobin was bothered by the length and intimacy of her hug, it didn’t show. Her megawatt smile filled her face in seconds after they separated and Christen couldn’t help but smile herself. “Hey Chris, nice to see you,” she said. Christen stood in awe, first over the fact that she and Tobin were in the same space and second at how drop dead gorgeous the girl looked.

Shy, unassuming Tobin. This was probably the last place Christen expected to bump into her, but here she was decked out in a knee length black gown that hugged her straight and narrow body perfectly. It was sleeveless, so her perfectly toned arms were on display for all to drool over if they had even made it past her face. She had more makeup on than she’d ever seen her wear, but it wasn’t overdone. It brought out all her best features, leaving Christen completely stunned.

“You look…..” Christen couldn’t find the words on the tip of her tongue, her head shaking back and forth in disbelief. “....just so….oh my gosh!” she squealed in delight. Tobin’s cheeks started to fill with color, matching her burgundy lip shade that she’d chosen for the occasion. “You look nice too,” she offered, timidly looking through her dark eyelashes at Christen.

Before she even had the chance to ask what she was doing there, a large hand clasped Tobin’s shoulder. “Tobs, who’s your friend?” he boomed in a joyful voice.

“Dad, this is Christen Press, she’s a friend of mine who is new to New York,” Tobin supplied without ever leaving the green eyes across from her.

Christen looked up at the tall man, whose presence was slightly overwhelming. At second glance she recognized features she had seen before including a wide smile with crinkles in the corners of his eyes, squinting as he looked on. He seemed kind though, and looked back and forth between the two girls. “It’s nice to meet you, Christen. Would you like to join us at our table this evening?”

Tobin jumped in, relieving her from any awkwardness of the invitation. “She’s actually part of the PR firm handling the event, Dad. She’s working.” Christen just smiled kindly, thanking him. “That’s really nice of you, I appreciate it. I’ll stop by when things slow down if that’s okay?”

“Of course. Tobs, I’ll see you at the table,” he returned as he stepped away from the girls, slightly dancing to the rhythm of the music. Christen smiled to herself before turning back to Tobin. “That was really nice of him.”

Tobin nodded, “yeah but you know that he’s going to hold you to that right? You better make sure you pop in for a minute before he’s on the dance floor for the night or he’s ready to leave,” she chuckled.

She didn’t care what the man thought of her, but she did want to make sure she could see Tobin again in the crowded room, especially with how delectable she looked. It dawned on her at that very moment that when she first met Tobin, she knew how gorgeous she was, but that was on a strictly physical level. Now, she could see how beautiful her personality was and the want for her had changed. No longer was she someone she just wanted to take to bed and experience but rather someone she wanted to truly just wanted to be around, maybe even be with, in every sense of the word.

“I’ll be finished by 10,” she recalled from her schedule. “And I don’t have to clean up since I was on set-up duty, so I’ll find you then?” her voice hopeful that Tobin would stick around for her.

“Yeah, definitely.”

The pair both looked at each other again, neither making the move to step away. Christen had to be the first to do it when the call of a co-worker pulled her out of bubble. “I have to go, but I’ll see you in a little,” she promised.

Knowing Tobin was waiting for her at the end of the night both helped and distracted her. She wanted to get through her to-do list as quickly and efficiently as possible so she could be finished sooner, but she was also searching the room for her at every twist and turn. She saw her once during dinner from afar, her face illuminated from the faint glow of the candles arranged on the table. Tobin was captivated by what the people were talking about, the curves of her face reacting when they needed to. It gave Christen the chance to really sit and appreciate her without being noticed, her earlier realization of just how much she liked her sinking in. Tobin was everything that she never knew she wanted and silently promised herself to give a chance to.

She quickly busied herself again and before she knew it, she was free to go for the evening. “Go enjoy yourself a little,” Ali encouraged her. “You earned it and I really appreciate the late nights you put in this week.” Christen felt a little guilty abandoning her until she remembered Ali was paid the big bucks to do her job. “Okay, thanks, Ali. I;m gonna go see if I can find Tobin but if you need me just yell.”

It took her a few minutes of weaving in and out of the crowd until the band slowed the melody and people filtered to other parts of the room. Christen grinned ear to ear, watching Tobin’s dad spin her in big circles, both looking carefree and happy. When the song finally ended, she slowly approached them and lightly clapped. “Well done,” she complimented.

The way Tobin’s eyes were barely visible when she smiled made her heart skip a beat. As the walked a little closer, she could tell Tobin was more relaxed than she’d ever been. “Having fun?” she asked. Tobin just nodded big, definitely looking lighter and if Christen has to guess it was from the strategic bars placed around the room.

Tobin reached out, offering to go back on the dance floor with her. It made Christen a little nervous, but she decided to take a leap of faith and put herself in Tobin’s hands both literally and figuratively.

The girl surprisingly had some rhythm as they swayed back and forth close enough for her to really overwhelm her senses. Tobin twirled her around and for a second Christen forgot where they were, in the center of a crowded room. She was loving this, stepping out of her comfort zone and not thinking about her next moves; just being. The music got faster and faster and it suddenly was too quick for Tobin, whose feet tripped up over her own, falling into Christen’s chest.

“Whoa, I've got you,” Christen laughed. Tobin looked up through her eyelashes shyly, her doe eyes so lovely and glistening from the lights. Christen felt her heart speed up at how close they were now, flushed against each other's chest. She stroked her thumb over Tobin's wrist, holding on to her for dear life.

“Sorry,” Tobin laughed. “Time for a break, I guess.” They detached, losing the warmth from each other’s bodies.

“Can I get you a glass of champagne or something?” The offer made her smile, remembering their interaction the from Allie’s party. As if she had gained some confidence in herself, Tobin reached out to place a gentle hand on Christen’s elbow, making her body buzz in excitement at the contact.

She wanted to have a drink and take another spin around the dance floor with Tobin, but it was still a work-related event and she wasn’t really clear about the rules. Tonight, Christen decided, would be better if she was sober while spending time together to figure out her intentions with Tobin. With every passing moment, the want to tell her how she felt was growing.

“That’s really sweet of you,” she thanked Tobin, “but I don’t think I’m allowed to drink. I’ll come with you if you want to grab one?” she offered as an alternative, wanting to spend every second possible with her. Tobin waved her off, “no I’m good. I’m clearly at my limit for the night anyway.” Christen was trying not to look down where Tobin’s hand was still attached to her skin so it wouldn’t scare her away, but she wanted to see what it looked like.

Christen liked being touched. She liked feeling someone else connect with her, mostly in ways that would challenge her body. She liked to be lusted after, having someone cover every inch of her body until she couldn’t take it anymore.

This kind of touch was different. It was intimate and small, but meaningful.

She liked it.

Tobin made another suggestion before turning, her warmth fading by the second from Christen’s body where it had been. “Do you maybe just want to say a quick hello to my Dad and then I can walk you home or something? I’m sure you’re tired and itching to get outta here.”

“Tobin,” she laughed, thinking about where they were at the moment. “I’m pretty sure your apartment is in the complete opposite direction of mine, right? You don’t have to walk me all the way home.” She saw the sparkle leave the brown eyes in front of her while her grin faded. “Oh…..okay.”

It made her heart constrict a little, seeing the disappointment she had. “But if you insist…” she playfully added, hoping Tobin would perk up again. It seemed to work, making the girl nod enthusiastically. “Yeah, c’mon.” Christen wasn’t sure who reached out first but suddenly their fingers were loosely wrapped around each other as Tobin led them to Table 7.

She let her eyes drop to see them tangled together and her heart skipped a little beat at seeing them fit so seamlessly. All she really wanted to do was curl them closer together to feel Tobin’s pulse against her own, because the sensation was overwhelming, new and downright perfect.

Tobin let their fingers untangle as she approached the table, scooping up her small clutch and belongings at her seat. She looked to meet Christen’s eyes again when she stood up, looking ready to make a quick exit. “No one’s here,” she motioned. “We can just sneak out and I’ll tell my Dad he missed you?”

Christen really wasn’t in the mood to schmooze and socialize anyway, so she pointed to her left where she knew there was a discreet exit behind the drapery. “Let’s do it,” she said, grabbing her own things quickly.

Once they were outside in the chilly night air, her body shivered. Tobin must have noticed and right away draped the small wrap she had grabbed from her seat around her shoulders. As if she wasn’t sure she should have done it, she asked quietly while continuing to walk, “is that okay?”

Christen bumped her now-warm shoulder against Tobin’s. “Of course, but only if you tell me why exactly you have this,” she swung the ends around in her fingers. A pair of questioning eyes looked into her own. “What do you mean?”

It wasn’t that Christen didn’t love seeing the pretty brunette all dressed up and looking so beautiful, she just never expected to see her at an event like that, even with family. It just didn’t seem like Tobin’s style or group of people. “Why exactly were you there tonight? Not that I’m not happy you were,” she rushed out. “It was a really nice surprise.”

Tobin seemed to understand now, hesitancy washing over her face. They walked a few more moments before Tobin started to explain. “The insurance group that the event was for tonight?” her voice raised at the end like she was asking a question, “is my dad’s company. He’s one of the founders and CEOs.” Christen could see how it almost pained her to get that out, like she was embarrassed or something.

She thought about how big the event was and the things that Ali had mentioned in the past few weeks about the hosting company. From what she knew, it was insanely successful and one of the most prominent in the city. It finally all came together for Christen, why Tobin hadn’t really elaborated on her childhood and why she was so apprehensive to invite anyone over to her apartment. “So you’re like, really rich?” she clarified.

“No,” Tobin said firmly. “I’m not rich, my family is.”

It was a line she’d heard before, not that money was the kind of thing that bothered Christen. “If you say so,” she laughed, trying to lighten Tobin’s mood.

But the girl wasn’t going to let it go. “I’m not. I just get dragged along every once in awhile to these kinds of things. My Dad likes to have at least one of my siblings or me at them. I’m pretty sure he’s still holding out hope that someone will step up and work under him, eventually taking over when he’s ready to retire.”

It made sense to her, and Christen started to understand that Tobin would never fit into that world. She was too kind, too empathetic to be in a power position like that. “So you continue to teach but agree to go whenever you can?” She dipped her head, trying to connect eyes with Tobin to let her know she was willing to listen.

Tobin gently nodded then let out a sigh. “Yeah. I don’t want to completely disappoint him, you know? I understand he thinks our family has an image to uphold, so I try to do my best.” Christen let it sink in, realizing how sad it made her feel to think Tobin could ever be dubbed as anything even close as disappointing. “You are pretty great the way you are, Tobin,” she admonished.

“Oh,” Tobin exclaimed. “Don’t get me wrong, I know my Dad loves me and he’s not like pushy or anything. He’s never given me a reason to think he disapproves of my job or whatever. But I know he’s always wanted someone to follow in his footsteps.”

Christen hummed, glad to know he wasn’t an overbearing presence in her life. Tobin didn’t deserve that she felt. If anything, the girl should receive praise for giving up the easy path in life where she could inherit a successful job, disgustingly large salary and the benefits of living in wealth. Instead she did what she truly enjoyed, even if it meant having to work harder and depend on herself. “Well if I had to guess, I bet your school would say you made the right choice. And I’m sure they’d tell your Dad the same thing,” she reassured Tobin.

The smallest of giggles let out beside her, making her green eyes look to the right. Tobin was stifling a laugh with her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. “What?” Christen asked, self-conscious that she had done or said something wrong.

Tobin shook her head, “I don’t know, I think they’d tell him whatever he wanted to hear. The man did pay a pretty penny for all four of his kids to go there and sponsors the Fall fundraiser each year all by himself.” Christen’s eyes went wide before joking, “Man! You really are rich! You went to that school too?!”

They strolled along, the laughter dying down before the shuffling of their heels could only be heard between them. “I don’t tell many people about my family,” Tobin quietly let her know after a few minutes. “I don’t want people to treat me differently.”

Christen could have pressed her further and asked why, or reassured her that it wouldn’t matter because liked her regardless of her bank account. But she didn’t feel that was what they needed in that moment. Instead, she just let her know, “thank you for trusting me enough to tell.” She hoped that despite her few words, they came across as sincere because she really meant it; she was humbled that Tobin would share a private part of her life with her.

They continued to walk for a countless amount of blocks in a comfortable silence, almost fragile. Christen never wanted their time together to end even though neither said a word. For once, she felt herself able to just be with another human being; no pressure, no expectations. Usually with women she found attractive it was all banter and one-liners, trying to get the upper hand. By the time they approached her apartment, she knew she had to let Tobin know how she felt. It had been stirring in her for longer than she wanted to and tonight seemed to be the perfect opportunity to be upfront.

“This is me,” she gestured up to the tall building.

Tobin stopped and looked up. “I remember,” she said with a hint of a smile. Christen could have stood there all night, looking into Tobin’s seemingly average brown eyes, studying the hint of gold that reflected back at her and seemed to stare right into her soul. She slowly slid the wrap Tobin had lent her from around her neck and took a step into the girl, bringing their bodies close as she draped it around Tobin.

“Thanks,” she whispered, their faces now closer and only inches apart.

Christen wanted to kiss her more than she had ever wanted to kiss anyone in her life. She’d been thinking about it for way longer than she wanted to admit and normally she’d have acted on it by now but Tobin was different, this kiss would be different for her. She leaned in slowly, letting her lips find Tobin’s, delicately pressing them together. The smooth and warm skin underneath her was intoxicating and it was like a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders as they connected, every thought in her head vanishing. In the moment nothing moved, nothing breathed. They just stood still in time and existed together. Any lasting tension in Christen’s body melted away because as simple as it was, it was the most honest, truthful moment she’d ever had with another person.

When she pulled away from small gesture, her eyes finally opened. She expected to see the same sort of reaction from Tobin, like they both had just experienced the single greatest kiss on Earth.

All she saw was a frozen, uneasy face when it registered that Tobin hadn’t kissed her back. She didn’t feel any movement under lips or advances to show it was what she wanted, too. When Christen realized this, she took a few steps backwards, retreating and stammering, “I’m sorry….Did I…..?”

The thoughts swirling in her mind were that she maybe every blush or meaningful interaction wasn’t because she was interested in Christen, but maybe because it was just her friendly nature. Or maybe she just had the good graces not to embarrass her and that’s why she hadn’t acted on anything herself.

Then it dawned on her. Maybe Tobin wasn’t interested in girls at all. She’d never mentioned anything either way, and she certainly didn’t seem to overtly make her interests known. The way Tobin was gawking at her right now pointed to all signs saying this was a complete misread of the situation.

“Are you not…?” she couldn’t finish the question, she was so humiliated. Tobin didn’t help her out, still standing like a statue in her place, the light breeze picking up the ends of her hair and the wrap as the only movement.

Christen willed herself to get out of there as quickly as possible. Her voice was eerily low despite the pace of her heart and thumping in her brain. “I gotta go, I’m going inside, I’m sorry Tobin,” she rambled as she turned around and walked as quickly as she could. Tobin didn’t call her name and she didn’t hear footsteps catching up with her. She wanted to turn around one more time just to see if there was any change, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Once she was safely inside her apartment, she fell back into the door and let out a groan. Then the tears came, followed by full out sobbing. She had put herself out there in a way she’d never done before and Tobin had rejected her. Worse, she hasn’t even reacted.

Christen wasn’t used to that, she was used to a prey and predator game, always coming out victorious. But she knew Tobin was different and she had done her best to be as gentle as possible. It might have even been the first time she’d kissed someone with that much meaning behind it.

And nothing.

Tobin didn’t want her.


	8. Took Our Broken Hearts

She laid in bed that night, unable to control the tears making their way down her cheeks and the small gasps of air coming from deep in her throat. Christen couldn't ever remember a time when she'd felt like this; so defeated and empty, like a hollow shell of a person she'd once known.

It was almost like she couldn't process it, she couldn't believe she'd gotten it all wrong. Her feelings had betrayed her and put her in a place that left her so vulnerable.

Her sobs grew silent and she finally found some peace when she just didn't have anything left to give anymore. When she rose with the sun, she didn't know how she was going to face the day. A small smart of her hoped it was bad dream, that all the hurt inside of her wasn't real. She checked her phone to see if it said it was still Saturday, that she could redo the day and be released of everything that was taking over her body. When that didn't happen, she hoped she'd have something, anything from Tobin telling her it wasn't mistake, that she wanted to be kissed and she was coming right over to rectify the situation.

That didn't happen, either.

The next few days all Christen could do was hide out by herself. She ignored group texts, kept to herself at work come Monday morning and didn’t leave her apartment unless it was necessary. Her appearance suffered, dark  
Circles lining her eyes, pale and face free of makeup. She tied her hair up messily in a bun and took the first thing out of her closet.

She was mortified that she had gotten it all wrong with Tobin, that she had gone ahead and kissed someone who had no business being kissed by her in the first place. Still, she couldn’t completely shake the feeling that she had been that naive, that Tobin wasn’t interested in girls. Usually she was spot on with these kinds of things and when that sunk in, it made her feel worse. Maybe Tobin did like girls but just didn’t like her. That was an even tougher pill to swallow.

Tobin was apart of the group texts too and whenever her name popped up, it gave Christen false hope that it was a message to just her. But Tobin hadn’t texted, hadn’t called...nothing. She seemed to be going about her daily life according to the chain and by Wednesday the shame had started to lift. By Friday, she had convinced herself that everything was going to be okay and that she was better off without Tobin anyway. She was Christen Press, and no girl was going to get her down.

The conversation she had with Alex back in her office replayed in mind over and over, where she tried assuring Alex that some people were meant to have different types of relationships; that not everyone was fulfilled by the same thing. She shook her at it, realizing her words hit so close to home. Each minute that passed without hearing from Tobin convinced her that she was one of those people, and Tobin was just a bump in the road. She'd be smart to go back to what she knew: quick and easy flings without getting too attached.

So when Ali mentioned the group was going to meet up for dinner and a quick drink that night, she readily agreed. There was no sense in avoiding Tobin or missing out on opportunities to enjoy her new city just because she made a mistake. If Tobin was upset or mad about it, she would have to deal with that on her own. Her attitude had done a complete 180, going from feeling embarrassed to feeling actively indifferent about the whole thing.

Her senses were on high alert when she walked into the restaurant with Ali, both hoping Tobin was and wasn’t already there. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t dressed with the intent of getting Tobin’s attention, something low cut and tight without being too flashy. And if she was there, she’d treat her like any other girl joining them. If she wasn’t, she’d bury herself in conversation and antics and pretend not to notice when she walked in.

“Sit next to me!” Kelley called, surprising her since the two hadn't spent a lot of time together. She agreed though, thinking it was a good idea to get to know the girl a little better. They fell into easy conversation about the west coast since Kelley had spent the better part of last year there, shacking up with an ex girlfriend during her off-season.

It made her feel better, at least in the surface, that she decided to make an appearance tonight. As far as she knew, no one else seemed to know about what happened between her and Tobin. If they did, they were st least gracious enough to not bring it up.

“Yo,” a lazy voice greeted the group a little while later, when Christen was already almost two drinks deep. She wanted to keep her head down and focus on anywhere other than the beautiful girl who has finally made an appearance. But she could feel it, a gaze that was burning into her and one she couldn't ignore. She lifted her eyes ever so slightly, hoping not to get caught but she saw Tobin looking right back at her with warm eyes and a smile that could cure cancer. She looked happy and free, the opposite of how Christen was feeling. Her eyes quickly darted away, annoyed that she let Tobin have the upper hand in this.

She tried not to notice that Tobin sat next to her on her left, the intoxicatingly freshness that was probably nothing but Tobin’s natural scent filling her senses. “Hey,” Tobin bumped her shoulder as she took off her jacket, sending chills through her body. Christen panicked and ignored the gesture, knowing very well she wasn't as strong she thought to carry on a meaningless conversation.

“Ashlyn! When's your next game?” She blurted out instead to the girl on the other side of the table and we'll out of her direct line of vision of Tobin. Not that it did much to help, she was pretty in tune with the smallest of movements from the girl.

They all fell into easy conversation but she couldn't have felt more tense. It was obvious that Tobin was trying to get her attention, even asking her direct questions which she answered as briefly as possible.

“Bathroom!” Ali announced, asking for any takers. Both her girlfriend and Alex volunteered to go. Christen wanted to go, but she was trapped in between Kelley and Tobin. She'd just die if she had to even look in Tobin's direction, nevermind crawling over her.

“I'm gonna go call Bati!” Allie told them, waving her cell phone in the air. His group of friends were supposed to join them at some point, which now made sense as to why they were at such a big table. The remaining trio sat together, unsure of what to do now before Kelly made a suggestion.

“Shots!” She started to climb away from Christen out of the booth.

"Um, I'll come too,” she quickly volunteered, realizing it would probably just be her and Tobin left at the table.. She didn't miss the look of disappointment on the girl’s face, almost like she was aware of what Christen was doing.

“Oh, cool,” Kelley gestured for her to go first. “Tobs, you want anything?” Tobin sank back in her chair, just shaking her head no. Her fingers spun her small glass of water in front of her on the table, eyes locked on it. Not drinking tonight, Christen thought, ha, she must remember what happened the last time she over indulged. I threw myself at her.

Christen ordered another drink that she clearly didn't need, by realizing Kelley was bumping her obviously at the shoulder. “Hello? Earth to Christen, you okay?”

The freckled girl was gazing at her somewhat concerned. “Yeah,” she lied through a smile“just a long week at work. I'm tired.” If she kept it short and vague, she figured Kelley wouldn't push her and figure it all out.

Kelley gave her a look that said she was unconvinced but would let it slide for now. “Ok well drink up cause you're not wimping out on me yet. We just got here and I don't plan on leaving until I've forgotten my own name!” She held up two shots for them, not even waiting for Christen before throwing hers back.

Christen giggled and followed her, the amber liquid burning down Her throat. She placed the empty shot glass on the bar and let her eyes slide back over to where Tobin was sitting, still slouched. Christen hated to see her sitting there alone and ached to go over, be with her and listen to her lazy drawl while looking at her sweet brown eyes. But she also knew that wouldn't and couldn't happen.

“You sure nothing is wrong?” Kelley obviously looked between her and Tobin, catching on that she had been staring at the beauty. They both leaned back against the bar, with Christen contemplating spilling it all. It didn't help that she could feel a sting from the liqour running through her veins and her body was buzzing.

Kelley didn't even give her a chance to answer. “She’s different than the rest of us you know? Takes a little longer to get to her.” It wasn't said in a condescending tone, not even out of sympathy. Kelley was talking about her with care and affection.

“I know,” Christen acknowledged absent mindedly, not blinking as she studied The back of Tobin's head, desperately trying to read it. “I thought I could be different too,” she whispered.

The feeling of a strong but soothing hand hovered over her back and eventually rubbed it for comfort. “Cmon, we can't stand here all night. And there's nothing this bar can't cure so drink up, babe.”

Her new ally put a buffer between her and Tobin for now as the group one by one found their way back to the table. Christen nodded at her as a silent thank you, which Kelley winked at in response. She lost count of just how many rounds were ordered and the music was pumping in her ears. Their table was littered in bottles that had been consumed in between side conversations and one really entertaining story about Allie’s sex life. Her body was relaxing to the beat over time, loosely moving side to side. Alex was the first to get up, pretending to grind on Ashlyn in the center of the makeshift dance floor, leaving Ali laughing until her jealousy took over and she joined them. Allie didn't want to be left out and squealed when her new favorite song blasted above.

“C’mon Christen! Dance!” Kelley tried pulling her up to join in the fun. Christen’s eyes felt a little heavy from the alcohol and she swayed without opening them. “You go!” She shouted back, completely content with getting lost in the melody while sitting.

She half expected Kelley to insist and wasn't surprised when she heard a voice reply immediately.

“Are you going to avoid me all night?” A softer, more familiar voice piped up next to her. Christen knew who it was without looking, desperately trying not to let her see the affect she had on her.

Christen twisted her face and opened her eyes to watch ahead, like she couldn’t be bothered by what Tobin had said. “I’m not avoiding you, I’m having a good time with my friends.” She pursed her lips and continue to sway to the music playing overhead.

Tobin scooted a bit closer down towards her, making her heart thump a little bit faster. She had been telling herself this wasn’t what she wanted - to have any type of confrontation - but with each inch Tobin moved, she felt herself getting worked up. “I’m not your friend?” Tobin attempted humor, angling for her attention. There wasn’t any bite, any sarcasm to it, just Tobin trying to extend an olive branch. The girl has a small, playful smile that graced her face, almost making her break for a moment.

She snorted in response, thinking to herself how ridiculous this all was. “Yeah, Tobin,” she spewed sarcastically, “we’re friends.” Her eyes couldn’t help but roll around in a noticeable circle as she spoke.

“Christen,” Tobin responded with more intent that she’d ever heard in her voice. It made her finally look up to see a pair of sparkling brown eyes looking at her. She let herself get sucked in for only a moment, seeing the way everything on Tobin’s face just glowed as she looked back at her. Her lips looked plush and inviting, the memory of how they’d felt already imprinted in her mind.

“What, Tobin? Yeah, you’re my friend, okay? Friends. I get it.” the defensiveness took over as she looked away again. Tears were starting to form and she’d be damned if she was going to let Tobin see them.

The other girl sat back against the booth, slightly defeated. “Chris, I don’t want it to be like this. I want to talk to you, but not here.” Her voice was low but firm, possibly the most serious she’d ever been. Christen didn’t have the energy to fight, didn’t have the energy to get rejected or let down easily by some girl she’d warned herself off of for weeks. Typically she was the one letting the girls down easy, so she knew all the best lines and wasn’t about to be on the receiving end.

“You haven’t said anything for almost a week, Tobin. I got the message loud and clear.” Her inner cheerleader was rooting her on, telling her to stay strong.

“I don’t want to talk about this here,” Tobin insisted again, her voice slightly raising. Christen waved her off, “There’s nothing to talk about, Tobin. I made a mistake. There’s nothing else to say.”

She watched Tobin put her head in her hands in frustration and then stand from the table in frustration and scoot back to put space between them. “Is that honestly what you think?” the girl challenged. Of course it wasn’t how Christen really felt; she wanted Tobin. She wanted anything she’d give her and wanted her suffering to end.

But the words died on her tongue before they came out of her mouth and they just stared at each other. Eventually Tobin’s face fell and she turned around, walking away. Maybe Christen’s mind was playing tricks on her, maybe she was just really hoping, but she swore she heard Tobin say, “it wasn't mistake.”


	9. Put Them In A Drawer

Her head was pounding and her nerves were in overdrive. She looked up at the tall, white ceiling staring back and prayed to anyone above who was listening to the silent apologies scrolling through her mind.

Her ears were fixated on the alarm clock on her night stand, waiting for the the soft music to play so she could get up and start fixing the mess she created.

Her eyes ached too from being pried open all night, since every time she tried to close them flashes of what happened started playing over and over.  
  
It all had happened so quickly that she wasn’t even sure how she got to this point. Maybe it was the feeling of rejection that was so new to her that put her over the edge. Maybe it was the extra shot or two she downed with Kelley in the dark corners of the club after watching Tobin walk out. Or maybe it was the way Alex Morgan was eye-fucking her across the dance floor while she was so vulnerable.

And maybe it was a combination of all the above, she thought, as she looked to her right where Alex’s back was to her, still bare with a thin white sheet was pulled up halfway and wrapped around her front.

She finally let her eyes shut and forced herself to go through it, trying to find any rhyme or reason she had done this to herself, to Alex.

Christen had fumbled with her keys in between her fingers, trying to keep her eyes on the prize as Alex gripped her from behind, her soft hands sliding underneath Christen’s silky top onto her stomach. Her muscles were reacting at the touch, throbbing to be kissed and nipped and satisfied from every angle. The moments after that were somewhat hazy but somehow she had managed to unlock and relock the door carefully, then pushed up against it with uneven breathing and pulsating all over.

Alex leaned in and ghosted her lips overtop of Christen’s while guiding her previously roaming hands over top of hers, bringing them up above Christen’s head.

“Christen I’m going to kiss you….” Alex’s eyes were piercing and clear as she calmly spoke.

She could have said no, she could have stopped everything right there and then. Alex even warned her what exactly was going to happen.

“..and then I want to fuck you.”

But Christen didn’t.

Instead, she let herself go at the mercy of Alex’s hands and mouth, loving the way tongue was being licked and sucked with such fervor. Her bottom lip had found refuge between Alex’s sharp teeth while her hips were being pushed harder and harder into the door behind her.

Their bodies worked against each other in such a good rhythm, Christen’s appreciating the way Alex’s fit into hers so well. She wanted to reach out and touch Alex, but her hands were pinned above her and for once, it felt good to have someone else take control in this way.

Alex’s mouth left Christen’s as quickly as it had been welcomed, the desire in her eyes evident as she pulled back. She released their hands slowly and let her fingers graze the length of Christen’s body until she met the hem of her shirt. Without preamble, she pushed it up and quickly dropped it to the floor, leaving Christen standing in a black, lacy bra.

Christen’s breathing still hadn’t normalized and she was thoughtless about anything except for what was happening. Alex Morgan, the gorgeous girl she’d bet herself would be in her bed in under thirty days was about ten yards from making it happen. She let a smirk play at her swollen lips, fully ready and willing to close the deal.

“My turn.”

She gripped Alex’s firm ass with both hands, shuffling them backwards towards her bedroom. Their lips reattached and Alex tangled her fingers through Christen’s wavy locks, tugging them to move her jaw in every direction as they kissed. It was primal and messy and hot, eliciting moans from deep both of their throats.

  
All of this just spurred Christen on further, opening her mouth even wider to let Alex’s tongue inside to play. When she felt they’d hit the end of the bed, she took one hand and pushed Alex back onto it, almost forcefully. She allowed her eyes just a moment to roam over her body, very aware of both how hot she looked and how very much clothed she still was.

  
Alex propped herself up on her elbows, giving her the silent go ahead to cross the line they were quickly approaching. Christen slowly ran her fingertips up the legs of the girl, faltering only as she reached the buttons of her jeans. She wanted to move them, pushing them into the heat radiating between her legs.  
But Christen wasn’t going to give her that too easily.

No, she wanted her to wait just a bit and savor the moment just a little longer as she crawled up her body. She hung overtop, deciding to refocus her attention on popping the buttons open from Alex’s shirt, slowly revealing her small but perfect chest, cradled in a strapless bra. Christen reached around her arched back with one hand to find the metal clasp, her other on Alex’s neck as her mouth lowered on the underside of her jaw. She quickly located her pulsepoint to nip at it roughly and soothe immediately with her tongue while Alex’s hands found her breasts, kneading and playing overtop of the fabric until she decided it wasn’t enough. Her thumbs and index fingers pushed underneath the cups of Christen’s bra to play with her breasts, twisting and pinching.

  
Both girls worked quicker, never settling in one spot for long. Christen’s once quiet apartment was filled with loud moans and shouts of directions, fighting for dominance.

  
It was when Christen was on her back, watching Alex shimmy her tight jeans down her legs to reveal a simple white pair of underwear that she really looked at her face. Alex was kneeling above her, her mouth and eyes narrowed in and satisfied with what she was seeing. It was a look Christen was used to getting from, but something in that particular moment wasn’t as satisfactory. Her head was clouded from the alcohol in her system, she told herself, that’s all. There was nothing different or wrong with Alex compared to any of the other girls she’d had in her bed, their chemistry was good and Christen was undoubtedly turned on.

  
She shook the thoughts from her head and leaned up, chasing Alex’s lips. As their heads frantically rolled together, Alex started to grind her center down onto Christen’s, both girls building in anticipation.

  
“Harder,” Christen breathed against Alex’s hot mouth, “again. Harder,” she demanded. Alex complied, driving her hips deep downward. Christen spread her legs a little wider, wrapping her thighs around Alex’s bare back.

  
The closeness excited Alex, who let her hand drop from where it was clutching Christen’s head down between them. Without even trying to tease, she slid the fabric of Christen’s underwear to the side and worked her fingers through her dripping folds. “Fuck Chris…” she whispered against against Christen’s hair, making her eyes that had been clenched shut pop open.

  
In that moment with Alex’s fingers penetrating her and their chests flushed together, she heard Tobin’s voice. Tobin called her Chris, just like the people she was closest to. Her body reacted unkindly to Alex saying it though, stiffening, as she tried to push the foreign thoughts she had out of her head once again. Tobin didn’t want her; she’d never have this kind of intimacy with her. It was Alex who was making quick work of her now, who actually was enjoying her taste and touch.

  
But it didn’t stop the floodgates from opening.

  
She started moving again, her feelings getting the best of her. Christen wouldn’t let Tobin get the best of her, after all this is exactly where she had envisioned herself the night she met Alex Morgan.  
She took one of her hands and pushed her chest against Alex to give them some room. She found Alex’s slick mound, drenching her fingers as she circled there, the pressure perfectly arousing. “Fuck Alex, you’re so, so wet,” she moaned. “Move back, spread for me.”  
Alex let out a long moan as she accepted the way Christen touched her while still moving her own fingers at a steady pace.

They were each so wide open and exposed as Christen found Alex’s entrance, letting her slowly get use to the way her fingers filled her.

  
Watching Alex gasp as she curled one, then two fingers inside of her brought out her competitive side. She wanted to make her come first, make her unravel rapidly. “Come on Alex,” she encouraged while stroking her perfectly. Alex threw her head back in pleasure, grinding her hips and taking Christen’s fingers as deeply as she could, keeping up her end of the bargain all but forgotten.

  
She fell hard, her legs trembling as her orgasm dripped Christen’s hand and coated her inner thighs. As soon as Alex seemed to recover enough, Christen gently took her hand away, wiping her hand free of the fruits of her labor on the sheets underneath them.

  
But Alex wasn’t done.

  
She lowered her body to leave a hot trail of open mouth kisses down Christen’s toned stomach, just above her underwear before tugging on them. Her eyes found Christen’s as she whispered, “off.”

  
Following her command, Christen helped get them down to her ankles before dropping beside her bed, leaving her naked and wanting to relieve the pressure that was throbbing between her legs. Alex recognized her need and let her fingers pick up where they had left off, playing and pushing into Christen’s core with diligence.

  
Right as Christen was getting used to them and comfortable, Alex bent down and added her tongue, swirling it around Christen’s most sensitive spot. The unexpected pressure left her whining, writhing and begging for more.

  
“Please, Alex, yes!” she let out, snaking her fingers tightly through Alex’s hair. She was unashamed as she pulled and pushed her, moving her hips up into the girl’s mouth.

  
Christen could start to feel a layer of sweat sitting on her forehead as Alex’s tongue worked inside of her. Her fingers were still firmly pressing against her clit, and she wasn’t hesitating or willing to draw back. She loved this feeling, the slow rise to the sensation that would overtake her body and free her mind, even if it was momentary. She wanted to savor the way a just-fucked Alex Morgan was kneeling in front of her, taking her direction and making her work. She grabbed Alex’s hair sharply to bring her blue eyes up to her own.

  
“I want you to look at at me,” she whispered.

  
Alex picked up the pace with her tongue but never blinked, holding Christen’s gaze for as long as she would allow it.  
“Harder,” Christen begged as started playing with Alex’s nipples with a free hand, her other safely tucked on the back of her neck. Now it wasn’t just her who was starting to build, to tremble. Alex was on the up again and luckily, Christen decided to have mercy on her.

  
“Kiss me,” she demanded, pulling the girl up, letting her fingers take control. There was clashing and scraping as their lips passionately found each other, swallowing the moans and groans of their impending pleasure. They both feel the moment they find their release, Alex much more vocal against her mouth as Christen’s walls clench tightly.

  
Moments later, they share a few languid, slow kisses with Christen’s core throbbing against Alex’s hand. She feels it leave as Alex sits back on her knees. “I’ve been wanting to do that since the night we met,” Alex’s panting broke up her words as she spoke.

  
Christen felt her heart sink somewhere into her stomach from her chest as she came down from her orgasm. She didn’t want Alex to think her performance had been anything less than great, so she gave her best fake smile and let her head drop back onto the pillow to avoid eye contact. The sex was good; she’d had better but also worse, way worse than this. But there was an element missing this time that made it different.

  
It was what she had unintentionally avoided most of her young adult life, the feeling of getting attached during any type of sexual encounter. Sex for her was supposed to be fun and flirtatious without any type of strings attached. It wasn’t like a once and done thing; she’d continue until the fling ran its course or she needed some type of new adventure.

  
Alex dropped beside her on the mattress, turning her head to look at Christen. “Do you mind if I stay?”

  
It’s not like she lived far, only just down the street, but Christen still wasn’t going to kick her out. “Uh yeah, I’m just gonna go use the bathroom,” let her know with her legs already swung to the side, her feet on the floor. She had to get out of the shoebox of a bedroom quickly, but it wasn’t like Alex had noticed since her eyes were contently shut and she was already drifting off to sleep.

  
Christen never fell asleep, though.

And that’s how she got here, at 7:41 a.m. feeling more alone than ever before. She was sober and she was sorry. Sorry for sleeping with Alex, sorry for betraying her own feelings, sorry for….everything. It was clear to her the moment it ended, maybe even while it was happening, that she had no business fucking Alex Morgan when she was so clearly feeling something so strongly for Tobin. She had tried to rationalize that it didn’t matter because Tobin didn’t want her, but deep down it did matter.

For the first time, she felt something for another human being that she’d never experienced before. The feeling of wanting to know everything about them, even if it was different than her own thought and opinions. The feeling of nervousness that crept up at the mention of her name or anticipation of seeing her. The feeling that she could be….more. It was like a light switch had gone on in her brain and she knew there was no going back, no settling for anything less than how Tobin made her feel.

She couldn’t take it any longer, laying next to a naked Alex in her bed. Her legs slowly slid off the bed from underneath the blanks as she sat up, staring herself in the mirror hanging across from her bed. She’d managed to find an oversized t-shirt in her laundry basket in the hallway. She quietly picked up the clothes that were discarded by the front door before getting a glass of water from her refrigerator.

The cool liquid trickling down her throat oddly calmed her, making her hit the restart button. She needed to get herself together and wake Alex, explain to her what happened could and would never happen again. With a small piece of paper towel, wiped the leftover mascara and eyeliner from under her eyelids and ran her fingers through her hair. Luckily it had already been wavy, so it probably looked half-decent.

When she took a step towards her bedroom, she heard a soft knock at the door. At first, she thought she was just hearing things because who on Earth would be knocking at quarter til eight on a Saturday morning? But then it came again about ten seconds later, this time a little more confident and louder.

She tiptoed towards the peephole, only to feel her legs almost give out from underneath her when she saw who was standing on the other side.

Tobin was dressed for the day, a pair of skinny jeans and a crisp white t-shirt, her hair actually down without a hat on. In one hand she held a small bouquet of sunflowers that instantly melted Christen’s heart, the other fumbling and pressing buttons on her iPhone.

She knew she couldn’t open the door. If she did, there would never, ever be a chance to redeem herself. So she planned to stay right there, waiting Tobin out until she figured she was sleeping or not there.

But Tobin knocked again, more forcefully this time and she felt herself reacting.

Drawing in a deep breath, she swung the door open to see a surprised Tobin with her phone frozen halfway to her ear.

The pair just looked at each other for a moment before Tobin spoke first, “did I wake you?”

Christen just nodded, “uh yeah. What’s up, Tobin?” She wanted to get this over as quickly as possible, or at least divert Tobin’s attention away long enough for her to hide what was behind her bedroom door.

The golden brown eyes looking back at her shoes apologetically. “Oh I’m sorry, I - I thought you’d be up since you said you like to do yoga in the park on Saturday mornings.” Damn it, she thought. Of all the mornings that Tobin had been thoughtful and remembered my schedule.

“Not today,” Christen smiled, watching a grin spread across Tobin’s face. “Oh! That’s perfect,” Tobin exclaimed. “I was hoping to catch you before you left for yoga to see if you wanted to grab breakfast instead. There’s um, uh, something I kind of wanted to….I thought we should talk,” she stammered. It was then she had registered the sound of her bedroom door creaking, followed by a few light footsteps.

“Christen?”

She shut her eyes tightly, not wanting to see Tobin recognize the unmistakable raspy voice coming towards them.  
“Tobin called you. Why is she...” Alex’s voice faded out as she got closer, spotting Tobin standing in the door. Christen slowly turned around to see Alex frozen in her tracks, somewhat confused. She was wearing one of Christen’s old Stanford tennis shirts and pair of shorts she’d probably found in the same drawer. At that moment, it registered that Christen wasn’t wearing any pants at all.

Looking back to Tobin was one of the hardest things she’d ever done up to that point in her life. SHe knew what she was about to see, but it didn’t make it any easier. The girl had shrunk into herself, looking back and forth between the two girls inside the apartment. It was like Christen could see the puzzle pieces inside of her head coming together, the gears turning.

When they clicked, her face fell. Her eyes drunkenly looked up to Christen’s where she swore she saw the gateway to her heart breaking. “Tobin…..” she whispered, taking a step towards her.

Tobin came to her senses and straightened her back. “I’m gonna go,” she stated, starting to inch backwards. CHristen tried one more time, “Tobin, wait.”

But Tobin didn’t stop slowly backpedaling down the hallway. Only just for a brief second she hesitated, where she flashed a sad smile and whispered, “you look really pretty this morning, Chris,” before vanishing from Christen’s sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay With Me...


	10. Everybody Here Wanted Something More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, ya'll are CRAZY with the comments! I love reading all the different perspectives and opinions. I get how each of you feel and hope you'll find some contentment with the next few chapters!

Fuck,” Christen whispered as she closed the door. Tears welled up in her eyes as she leaned her forehead against it. Behind her, Alex was cursing herself.

“This is not good,” Alex paced back and forth. “Fuck. Fuck! She’s going to tell someone, isn’t she? Oh my God, Serv is going to find out, fuck!” Christen closed her eyes, completely annoyed with Alex’s self-centeredness and obliviousness to what had just unfolded.

“Why...I don’t understand. Why was she here so early, Christen?”

Christen pushed herself up from the door and found a seat at her bar. With her head between her hands, she tried explaining as calmly as possible. “She was here to see me.”

“Well no fucking shit, Christen,” Alex roared. Christen whipped her head around, snarling in response. “Shut up for two seconds and let me talk.”

Alex sarcastically put her hands up in defeat but stood still, her hands on her hips expectantly. Christen resumed her previous position. “I have feelings for Tobin.”

She heard Alex’s mouth open and close, wisely not saying anything and letting her continue. “And I think she was coming to tell me she has feelings for me, or at least had feelings for me.”

Alex slid onto the stool next to her and placed a hand on her thigh. They sat in silence for a few uneasy moments before she spoke, “we screwed up, didn’t we?” The sadness behind her question was genuine and Christen felt the dam break, tears flowing down her cheeks with heavy sobs pouring out. “I’m sorry Alex, I...we - we shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry,” she cried out.

She felt a pair of arms wrap around her back and rock her gently. “Shh, we’ll fix this,” the raspy voice soothed. “I’ll find Tobin, I’ll tell her it was all a big mistake. Holy shit, I had no idea….” Alex’s voice trailed off again, like she was just realizing the seriousness of the situation.

“It’s all fucked up,” Christen snorted during her ugly cry. “She didn’t….she said...it hurt,” Christen sputtered, looking up desperately to search for Alex’s eyes, “it hurt so fucking bad,” she cried.

Her body was shaking from crying so hard against Alex’s chest. A knife had ripped through her heart; the pieces sticking all over her body to spread the pain. “It’s going to be okay,” Alex whispered. “I’ll fix this. She’s my friend, she’ll listen to me.”

Christen fought her way out of the embrace, “she won’t listen to you. Look at what she just walked in on! You’re her friend...her best, straight friend. This is so fucked up,” she repeated.

And then it hit her.

She was going to lose Tobin. Time was of the essence. She had to find her now, convince her to listen to her and or maybe even Alex. They had to talk and if she let time wedge them apart, there was no telling if she’d ever get the chance to explain herself.

“I’m going to find her. Alex, you have to go. Please, I’ll - I’ll catch up with you later or something.” She frantically searched for a pair of pants and took the hair tie from around her wrist to loop her curls up into a messy ponytail. She snatched her keys and wallet from where she’d dropped them on the floor last night. “Lock up behind you, I have to go,” she called to a stunned Alex still sitting in her seat.

“Christen” she called, “how are you going to find her? Give her some time then go see her tonight or something. Tell her it was a drunken mistake.”

But Christen didn’t want to waste any time, dialing Tobin’s number. She heard it ring and ring before going to voicemail. On the way out of her building she hit the call button again, doing so three more times before stopping on the corner to think. Where is she, where would Tobin go when she’s upset? Home? To a friend? Certainly not Alex’s place, she thought.

In the month that she had been here, the mass amounts of people and noises and smells never bothered her. She liked it actually, seeing everything blend together and unite as a community. That was New York; big, daunting and imperfectly perfect.

This morning, she hated it. Everybody on the sidewalk and in the windows blocked her from seeing if Tobin was just ahead or possibly on the other side. She tried twice more, the phone still going to Tobin’s voicemail.

“Hey, it’s Tobin. I’m really sorry I can’t get to my phone right now but I’d love if you could call me back so we can connect. Cheers!”

It wasn’t far off of a typical homemade voicemail, but the difference was so Tobin. Wonderfully unique, beautifully spoken, kind Tobin.

She wanted to blame her drunken stupor, her bruised ego for what'd she done. It shouldn't have mattered that Tobin rejected her, the feelings she had for her despite that screamed at her to stay away from Alex. She allowed her brain to manipulate her heart, and now neither were satisfied.

It dawned on her as the morning air sent a chill down her back that she'd not only screwed up her chance for happiness with Tobin but she potentially ruined a friendship. When she realized this, she uncontrollably sobbed her way down the sidewalk without caring what passersby thought.

Her movements were both hasty and mechanical, like it was the first time she was in her own body. The scenarios of where she'd find the girl and what she'd say when she found her filtered through her mind. She could take Alex’s advice and blame it all on the alcohol that had been coursing through her body in the early hours of the morning, but it would be a lie. Even through the haze she knew what she was doing, and how wrong it was. No, she'd have to look Tobin in the eye and tell her the honest to God truth no matter how much it would hurt. She let herself succumb to an attraction out of feeling bruised and unworthy.

After thirty minutes of non-stop calling and searching the streets leading up to where Tobin’s apartment was, she caught a glimpse of a particular blonde through a mostly empty coffee shop. She walked a little closer, squinting her eyes to see if her mind was playing tricks or it really was Allie.

It was her.

Her body filled with both apprehension and relief at the same time. It was like an out of body experience as she floated in through the door, waiting until she was spotted.

It didn’t take long for Allie to see her and eventually she saw the familiar wave of brunette locks and a glimpse of a hardset jaw across from

…

Tobin Heath had spent most of her life playing it safe. She was that type of girl who had the temperament of a wallflower, yet was still included in the popular group. She was never out-going or loud, but she also wasn’t boring or uninteresting. There was a certain balance she had struck where everyone was charmed by her kind and soft personality without even realizing it and not expecting much out of her.

Her best friends were asked to formals and prom by the crushes they’d been eyeing for months, while she typically went with one of the guys she was friends with and could embarrass on the soccer field the very next morning. Other girls spent hours primping and prepping in front of a mirror with fake eyelashes, bold lip colors and halter tops while she preferred to let her hair air-dry, swipe on a coat of mascara as she ran out the door in her hoodie and jeans. Yet, she was still just as beautiful.

She loved it.

Her streak of blending in was going perfectly for 26 years until one Monday night she agreed to get a drink in Soho with a group of friends after endless attempts at convincing her to come. It was a bad idea to stay out when she had parent teacher conferences the next morning and her feet were dragging from her earlier pick-up game in the park. But she went anyway, being the loyalist and good friend that she is.

And then she saw Christen Press.

Before that Monday night she’d given little thought to dating or relationships. She watched her closest girlfriends go through the highs of first dates to the lows of tumultuous breakups, ready to lend a hand or ear whenever needed. Sure, she’d gone on a handful of dates herself over the years, none of them really going anywhere. Tobin was a classic case of the girl next door, the one destined for the ‘friend zone’.

She didn’t mind at all.

It wasn’t an epiphany she had one day or a particular experience, but rather a slow dawning that covered her mind with a cloud. The occasional inquiries from her mother, the lack of plus ones she had for events and the growing attention she paid to pretty girls from a distance at the bars made her wonder about a part of herself she neglected.

But the moment she saw the raven haired beauty move into her circle of friends that Monday night, it was like everything clicked into place and her vision was clear. Almost as if she had been squinting to read something and someone handed her a pair of glasses; she knew. Tobin was definitely into girls.

Since that night, she wanted to tell someone, anyone about her realization. Her parents wouldn’t love her any less - she was completely sure of that. Her sisters might not even be surprised, she thought. Her friends, they’d probably have a million questions so they could set her up.

But she held it in, still processing and still pining over the girl who made her so sure because she was inexperienced and new at this. Tobin wanted to gain a little confidence before approaching Christen, just to make sure she would be able to hold her on.

So when she walked Christen home from the bar that one night, she was shocked as hell when she felt her lips being covered by the sweet and silky set that she had laid in bed at night dreaming of. It was like she had floated outside of her own body and was watching from above, cheering herself on to react and take control. When her body failed her, Christen took it the wrong way. Tobin was too embarrassed and speechless to recover, letting her know that kissing her was exactly what she wanted and yes, she was in fact right about all their previous interactions.

Now, she was on the front foot of that same disappointment and rejection she’d managed to block out until this day. She walked through middle of the mostly trafficless street, being that it was still pretty early in the morning, fingers still clutching the small bouquet of sunflowers she’d bought at the farmer’s market as soon as it opened. It would have been cliche to throw them in a trashcan on the corner of the street, like she’d seen characters in a movie do only moments after they’d been rejected. She also didn’t have the heart to damage something so beautiful.

Her phone was buzzing against the back pocket of her jeans, undoubtedly Christen, or maybe even Alex, calling her. She couldn’t even fathom speaking to either right now for different reasons.

Alex. Alex and Christen, together. It had been so obvious from the second that Christen opened the door with a shocked, then panicked expression on her face. Tobin knew she should have read that look a little better and realized it wasn’t because of her impromptu visit on a Saturday morning. For goodness sake, the girl had no pants on and her hair looked like she’d been going round after round moments earlier. But all she saw in that moment of Christen standing in front of her was this naturally beautiful girl who had taken a leap of faith and kissed her, and the opportunity to finally tell her herself exactly how she felt.

Her stomach twisted in knots at the thought of Alex getting to touch Christen the way she wanted, and even more so at the thought of her friend being on the receiving end of Christen’s touch. They’d never talked about it, but she had always been under the strict impression that Alex was straight and very much into guys only. Where had she gone so, so wrong?

Once the buzzing ceased long enough for her to pick up her phone, she called the person who would most likely bring her comfort in her time of need. Lord knows, she thought, I’ve done this for her countless amounts of times.

Twenty minutes later, her head popped up when she heard a, “Hey, Har!” The silhouette of her best blonde friend weaved through the patrons of the cafe around the corner from their respective apartments before plopping down in front of her.

Tobin promptly held out the bouquet of flowers, mustering her best welcoming smile. Not thinking twice, Allie squealed in delight. “For me? Thanks Har! Man, you would make such a great girlfriend!”

The irony.

“So what did I do so right that you’ve decided to treat me to coffee and flowers this morning, huh? Other than being the best friend you’ve ever had and probably will ever have?” Allie popped a piece of Tobin’s muffin she’d been picking at into her mouth, full savoring the chocolate and banana flavor without care for the noises she was making while doing so.

“Ha, well…” Tobin’s voice dropped off, completely unsure of where to start this particular talk. Allie seemed oblivious to the fact that there was something upsetting her, so she decided it was best just to dive right in. “I think you’re the only one who thinks I’d make a good girlfriend.” She didn’t make eye contact and wrapped her fingers a little more tightly around the steaming mug she had.

It took a little effort to actually make out what Allie said next, thanks to her speaking with a mouthful of coffee and another bite of the muffin. “You’re a catch Harry, stop that.”

Tobin drew in a deep breath before managed to muster out the next part, “Yeah well, tell that to Christen. I tried to give her those flowers to before you,” she gestured with her chin.

Allie cocked her head ever so slightly to the side, trying to put together what she was saying. “What do you mean, like you took these to Christen?” Tobin could hear the confusion in her voice without even looking up.

“Yes.”

A pause.

“Christen….Christen Press? Our friend Christen?” Allie’s voice going an octave higher.

“Yes.”

Another pause.

Allie was fidgeting in her seat, that much Tobin could tell from underneath the partial protection of her eyelashes. Her heart was beating wildly at revealing this kind of information for the first time, something she hadn’t really counted on happening. “You gave Christen Press flowers because….like...a romantic gesture?”

“Yes.”

“Tobin,” Allie called her in a much softer and quieter tone now. “I think that’s awesome. Awful too, but mostly awesome.” Tobin looked up finally and could see how genuine her friend was being in this moment. If she wasn’t mistaken, there might have even been a small glimmer of tears in her eyes.

Her own brown eyes found themselves doing loops at the ambiguity of the statement. “Why is that awesome?”

“Because Tobin, if you haven’t noticed, I think you’re really great. You’re kind and you’re smart and you’re so caring. Anyone should be so lucky to have you. And you’ve never really put yourself out there before and I just am so glad you did. That’s what’s awesome.”

The sincerity of her words matched her face, and in that moment, Tobin was so grateful for their friendship. Too often, she’d wondered if her own words of wisdom ever had any effect on Allie during their pep talks and now she was sure they likely had based on her own feelings.

“It’s awful, too, right?” Tobin chuckled, trying to make light of the situation and find any attempt to make this humorous instead of hurtful. Allie wasn’t laughing though. “Well it’s never fun to get rejected,” she shrugged. “And if you want to talk about that, I’m all ears. But I have to know, was there a reason or what made you think that maybe you had a shot with Christen?”

Without even thinking her answer through, Tobin blurted out, “well she did kiss me last week so -” like it was the most obvious thing ever. Allie’s eyes went wide and her elbows landed on the table, arms upright with her hands spread wide. “WAIT! I’m sorry, you and she….Christen...and you… KISSED?!”

That’s how Tobin ended up telling her the short, condensed version of how she realized that she liked Christen the night they met and about the two solo hangouts followed by the kiss outside of Christen’s building. Allie listened patiently, on the edge of her seat, nodding along enthusiastically.

“Okay, so you kissed and she thought you weren’t gay - which like, I can say right, is that a fair assumption?”

Tobin laughed, “yeah I guess so, why not?”

“So you decide to take her flowers and profess your love and kiss her again this morning and she….” Allie’s voice trailed off, waiting for Tobin to fill in the blanks for her. The way she was waiting in suspense kind of made Tobin want to torture her for fun a little bit, but she’d been so great up to this point that she just couldn’t do it.

She also couldn’t blurt out what’d she’d essentially witnessed or reveal the tidbit of info she’d stumbled across about Alex, their mutual friend. No, that would Alex’s information to share if she ever wanted; Tobin wouldn’t be the one responsible for doing that.

“It was just really bad timing,” she offered, not sure how else to phrase it.

“But did she outright say no?” Allie wasn’t going to let it go until she got a play by a play. Tobin kneaded her forehead with her fingers, thinking for the first time that Christen hadn’t, in fact, said no to her. She hadn’t said much at all really. “Har, I can’t really talk about this part yet and I know that’s not what you want to hear. It just was bad timing like I said. Can we maybe drop it for now?”

Her request was clearly not okay with Allie, but she had no choice to pretend it was. They quietly sipped on their coffees in comfortable silence, a new light on their friendship shining on them For the first time in forever, Tobin felt like she was on equal footing with her friend. Maybe they even had more in common than before and it wasn’t necessarily dominated by the blonde. Not that she’d ever complained or viewed it as a negative, but today it just felt good.

The last drops had been slurped and the barista had taken away their shared plate with only crumbs remaining when Allie lightened the mood just a bit. “Christen, huh? I wouldn’t have pegged her for your type.”

Tobin smiled at this. She didn’t know that she had a type or even really any other girl to compare Christen to. She only knew that she found her so incredibly, unbelievably attractive both inside and out. The girl was almost the polar opposite of herself, yet still the same in so many ways. The way she carried herself was so confident, so cool but not in a cocky way at all. She was really smart and could debate and converse with the brightest people in the room, while Tobin liked to think her intelligence was a bit quieter. And she was easy to talk to, like she could just unload anything on her without being judged or mocked. Christen would just listen to her and made her feel safe almost.

But man, man oh man, was she beautiful. Tobin had seen her in so many different outfits and different looks, each one better than the last. She couldn’t think of a single moment the girl had anything less than flattering about herself going on. The greens of her eyes were like a soft sea she could swim in for hours, never needing to come up for air.

Allie must have seen her daydreaming, because she was shaking her arm from across the table somewhat forcefully. “Christen.”

Tobin smiled, “yes, we established that. Christen, I like Christen.”

Allie’s head shook back and forth nervously, “no, Christen! Like Christen is standing over there, Tobin.”

All of the blood simultaneously rushed out of her face and into her head. This wasn’t what she wanted, to be faced with this situation so soon. Her heart thumped wildly while she turned ever so slightly to peer over her left shoulder. Sure enough, Christen was standing there, smaller than she’d ever seen her look before. She was still somewhat disheveled and nervously look in her direction, waiting for some kind of signal that it was okay to approach them.

At least she found a pair of pants, Tobin snorted to herself.

Allie tapped her hand, “I’m gonna go. Talk to her,” she whispered. Tobin’s eyes frantically begged her not to leave, “no! Allie, please don’t leave us alone!”

But her friend squeezed her fingers with her free hand reassuringly, “talk to her, Tobin. You can do this.”

She didn’t turn around to watch Allie go, nor did she want to see Christen approach her. But she felt her before she could see her. It was the same feeling every time she entered the room and Tobin was actually somewhat surprised she hadn’t recognized it the second she walked into the cafe. The little hairs on her arms raised and her breathing became uneven.

“Tobin?” Christen stood at her side, looking down with wide eyes. Tobin tried to stay strong and avoid her gaze. “What, Christen? Her voice was a lot harsher than she’d imagined it would be, not that Christen didn’t deserve it.

“I...I want to talk, I want to explain what happened,” the voice pleaded.

Tobin rationalized that she had two choices. First she could let Christen sit down and try her best to explain why Alex, her best friend, was at her apartment, wearing her clothes on a Saturday morning after being out all night, looking like she’d been tossed around between Christen’s sheets.

Or, she could tell Christen no. No, she couldn’t explain because whatever it was that Tobin wanted to talk about this morning no longer applied and that was it.

Neither one of those were anything she could stomach.

“Chris,” her voice low and steady, “I don’t like to be mean.” She made sure to keep her line of vision straight ahead, knowing if she took one look at the girl she’d melt on the spot and give in.

“I deserve it,” Christen whispered.

Tobin closed her eyes and sighed. “I don’t want to be mean and if I let you sit down right now, I might say something that I won’t be able to take back.” Christen didn’t say anything, letting silence swim between them.

She picked up her coffee and took a long sip, making sure her voice was audible and strong now. “I will call you when I’m ready to talk to you.” Her ears picked up on a subtle gasp from the girl standing above her.

“You’ll call me?” the voice was meek, but hopeful.

She nodded her head just once, “yes”, thinking Christen would be more than happy and back away. But Christen didn’t move. Tobin prepared herself, psyched herself up a little even before turning her head. What she saw was way worse than what she’d imagined, bloodshot eyes with tear tracks the whole way down Christen’s beautiful face. The corners of her mouth were pulled down, hiding the beautiful smile she liked to think could light up room.

Christen almost looked hollow, like she wasn’t really there. “Christen,” she tried again, “I will call you, I promise.” For good measure, she reached up and brushed a single tear away that had just fallen, stroking her cheek with the pad of her thumb. “You should go home and get some sleep,” she added.

This seemed to work. Christen momentarily fell into Tobin’s touch before pulling away. “Okay. I’ll wait for you. Okay?”

Tobin nodded. “Okay.”

She watched Christen slowly walk out of the coffee shop, each step seemingly heavy and harder than the last. It pained Tobin so badly to see her looking that fragile, despite her feelings on what she’d witnessed. Part of her was proud for handling it so maturely, the other just brokenhearted at the thought of a faulty relationship with possibly Alex and definitely Christen.

It took a few more minutes before she regained her composure, finally giving up and giving into the buzzing of her phone.

“Hello? Yeah, we need to talk,” she sighed before scooping up the flowers and walking out of the cafe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all we'll get from Tobin! Back to Christen...


	11. You Can Want Who You Want

  
Christen was going absolutely crazy.

She thought the first 24 hours after leaving Tobin in the cafe were hard, but the next 48 after that were way worse. Her phone became permanently attached to her palm, hoping that it would buzz or ring or something. She wasn’t expecting Tobin to forgive her right away, she just wanted to hear her voice and at least try to tell her how sorry she was for all the pain she caused. If Tobin would at least hear her out, she promised she’d tell her everything she was feeling and everything she wanted to know.

Christen knew her work was suffering, too. Ali gave her a few curious looks on Monday when she showed up with barely any makeup on and a rumpled outfit. She knew she couldn’t even begin to spill what had happened to her friend, her boss, and that started to weigh heavily on her too. _What if Ali finds out I screwed over Tobin? And maybe Alex? There’s no way she’ll want to be friends anymore and the next ten months of work will be hell._

Nights were the absolute hardest, lying awake on the sheets she washed nearly half a dozen times. She wanted to get rid of anything that smelled, felt like Alex. It also didn't help that they were tear soaked come the morning, even when it felt like she had nothing left to give.

Her mind drifted to dark places, including the thought of never seeing Tobin again. She contemplated packing her bags and heading back to California to escape it all, to put space between all the hurt she'd both caused and felt. If she stayed in New York, where Tobin was, she couldn't bear the thought of being without her. Being just friends was maybe even worse now that she knew just what the girl had to offer.

“Everything okay, Chris?” Ali finally asked casually over lunch on Thursday, sparing her the third degree in front of their usual group. She’d asked her to walk down the street to grab something from a deli, and Christen wanted nothing more than to get some fresh air and breathe a little. They were sitting at a crowded table with people hovering over top of them, no place to have a heart to heart or for Christen to spill some secrets.

“Just some personal stuff going on,” she half-lied. “And I haven’t been sleeping well, so a little tired.”

Ali wasn’t convinced though and had a question burning on her lips. While she was concentrating on eating her sandwich, she felt Ali looking at her expectantly before blurting out, “does it have anything to do with the argument you and Tobin had last Friday night?”

Christen almost dropped her sandwich on the spot, but instead just slowed her chewing to buy her an extra few moments to gain composure. What did Ali mean by that? Had people heard them talking? Or did Tobin confide in her friends about what had happened?

She wanted to be really careful about what she said or how much information she gave away, so she asked a question of her own. “I’m not sure what you mean by that?” Her eyes narrowed like a bad actor, avoiding eye contact so she wouldn't give her lie away.

Rolling her eyes in exasperation, Ali leaned back in her chair. “C’mon Christen, we all saw you and Tobin talking at the table and could tell something was up? You both looked like you were going to cry. What’s going on?”

It wasn’t the time or place to tell Ali everything. Maybe she wasn’t even the right person to tell her, maybe it would be up to Tobin. After all, they really hadn’t talked and even though she hadn’t called yet, Christen held out hope that Tobin would be a woman of her word. “We just….” her voice trailed off while looking up at the ceiling tiles, trying to keep her eyes dry. “There’s something she and I should talk about and we haven’t. Thank you for being concerned but I just can’t talk about it yet.” She wanted to let Ali know she appreciated her asking while also being firm in her stance.

Ali held her gaze for a few moments, not seeming to back down. Eventually she softened in the face and in her posture, making Christen sigh a little in relief. “Yeah, okay. I guess I was just surprised to see Tobin of all people arguing with you. If I can help, let me know.”

“I will Ali, thanks.”

They made it through the rest of lunch and the afternoon without any more hiccups. By the time she got home that night, she started to panic all over again that Tobin would never call and after several miscues and hang-ups, she dialed Tobin’s number with unsteady fingers. With each ring that went unanswered, her heart felt heavier and the lump in her throat thickened. She wasn’t sure what she was even going to say if the girl picked up, but hearing her voice would be worth the embarrassment.

“ _Hey, it’s Tobin. I’m really sorry I can’t get to my phone right now but I’d love if you could call me back so we can connect. Cheers!”_

Christen ended the call and held the phone in her hand, unsure of what to do now. An extra layer of anxiety laid over her body, wondering if Tobin just hadn’t been able to pick up her call or whether she was outright ignoring it.  
Her next move was one she wanted to avoid but knew it was for the best.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Alex. Sorry to bother you, I just wanted to know if you maybe wanted to grab a coffee or something and talk?” Her voice should have been wavering but somehow Christen felt like it was the right thing to get some closure on Alex’s side of things, maybe even ask if she’d gotten the chance to talk to Tobin herself.

There was no hesitation or awkwardness coming from the other line, “yeah, sure. Why don’t you meet me at the Starbucks on the corner in like ten?”

She slipped on a pair of shoes scattered by her front door, not caring to see which ones she’d picked out. For the first time she wasn’t concerned about her appearance in front of Alex. All she cared about anymore was Tobin, and if Alex was her last shot to see exactly where she stood, she’d embarrass herself to no end.

Alex was already waiting for her when she got there. When they spotted each other, Alex seemed to be calm and collected, even throwing a friendly smile her way. She on the other hand was a nervous wreck. “Hey,” her voice squeaked out, matching the sound of the chair on the floor underneath her.

“Do you want anything to drink first?” Alex questioned skeptically. She had some kind of iced coffee in front of her, lipstick staining the straw. Any other time and it would have been a turn on thinking of Alex’s soft lips wrapping around it, getting the warmth of her mouth. Today, it made her want to throw up, flashes of those lips nipping at her neck that night.

“No, I’m okay. I just really needed to talk to someone about all this and I wasn’t sure who to call.”

Alex was quick to assure her, “Yeah, I can understand. I should probably tell you though, I went over to Tobin’s a couple days ago so we could talk.”

 _So Tobin talked to her, but not me_ , she thought. Not wanting to interrupt or ask questions right away, she nodded to let Alex know she wanted her to continue.

The brunette let out a long sigh. “I had no idea anything was happening between you two, Christen. I just want you to know, maybe it’s selfish of me to bring this up first, but I would never intentionally hurt my best friend like that. I care about her so much and I feel awful about it.”

Christen appreciated her saying that, but she already knew Alex wouldn’t hurt Tobin if she could help it. “It’s not your fault,” she admitted. “She and I never really…..well….we…” she struggled to find the right words to tell her what had happened between them.

“No, I know,” Alex rushed out. “Tobin told me all about it. She told me about how stupid she was not to make a move sooner.”

“She did?” Christen could hardly contain her surprise and enthusiasm, encouraged about this new insight. She leaned in against the table to ask, “What else did she say?”

But the girl sat back in her chair, eyes drifting around the cafe while she thought about it. “I feel like I’m being a bad friend again by telling you what she said. That’s not my place.”

She didn’t care and the desperation was getting the best of her. Christen wanted her to spill every little detail, no matter how small an insignificant it was.

“Please,” she begged without holding back, “I just need to know how she is. Is she mad at me? What about you? Are you guys okay?”

Alex continued to look a little pained but shared bits and pieces of their meeting. “We’re fine. We both made mistakes that could have been avoided by just talking to each other; neither one of us can be that mad I guess. I mean I seriously had no idea she was interested in you. It might be weird for a little bit but I’m sure we’ll get over it.”

Christen nodded, somewhat happy that their friendship would survive. But she really wanted to know, “did she mention me at all?”

“Uh,” Alex hesitated before taking a breath to prepare herself. “Yeah, we talked a lot about you actually.”

She wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing and waited for the girl to continue. It was funny, Alex had zero appeal to her now as she sat across from her. Christen couldn't find a single thing that she found attractive and the guilt crept in all over again; she'd hurt Tobin for something so meaningless.

Alex sighed heavily again and focused the conversation back on Christen. “how long have you felt this way about her? Was I really that blinded by my own ambition to hook up that I never noticed?” she half laughed.

Christen thought carefully how to put her feelings into words, how they'd evolved over time and grown in a different way. It was new to her, so she had trouble conveying it all. “I think I was attracted to her right away, but not like I was attracted to you,” she blushed. “And then over time these feelings just kinda grew. I - I'm not sure how else to say it but it was...more. With her I just feel more.”

Alex nodded along like she understood exactly what Christen was trying to say. “Like you could really fall for her?”

“I already have,” Christen whispered so softly that it barely registered in her own ears.

“Wow,” the surprised face of the girl in front her was genuine.

“For what it's with worth Christen, I told her how upset you were after she left. Both times, at the club and that morning. I told her I'd never seen someone that torn up and I meant it. Tobin's my friend, and I know this is awkward but I trust that you're going to make this right for her.”

“I will,” Christen rushed out. “I would do anything to take this back.” She winced with the words, hoping Alex wasn't hurt by them. But the taller girl seemed to be in agreement.

“This was a wake up call for me, too” she said quietly, looking back down at her hands toying with her cup. “My actions have consequences and I hurt someone I love, even if it was unknowingly. I can't keep doing this to Serv, either.”

The admittance took Christen by surprise. She wasn't expecting Alex to have felt this badly about the whole thing, but then again maybe she didn't know her as well as she thought.

“We don't deserve either of them,” she offered with a small smile.

Alex laughed, “no we probably don't. But it's a two way street and I'm still going to try.”

“With Serv?” She clarified. Alex nodded timidly, ‘Yeah. I'm going to be honest about the past couple of months and then tell him if he's still willing, I want to try the whole label thing. I owe it to him and myself to try.”

Nodding along for support, Christen really was happy to see Alex sorting out her own mess. But she wanted to make sure that included telling Tobin what she needed to know about their transgressions. “That's good, Alex. Hey, uh, did you tell - what does she think…” Christen sputtered her way through the question, embarrassed.

“Oh I made it clear it was just a one time thing, that it was just sex and I'm not like in love with you or anything.” Alex waved it all off, nonchalantly. Christen cringed, even though she knew it to be true, she had a feeling that would be hard for Tobin to hear anyway. Tobin was definitely the type of girl to take any type of intimacy to be meaningful.

“She knows me Christen; she knows I like to hook up with people and I'm not into committed things. Cmon, I’m spooked enough by Serv, she knows I'm not gonna fight her for you.” It was like Alex was trying to convince her of it.

But that didn't make her feel good, because the last thing she wanted was Tobin thinking she was just like Alex in that regard. Maybe before she came along, yeah, but now she wanted to it all with Tobin. She wanted that type of relationship with her.

“She said she would call me but she's not gonna, is she?” Christen asked worriedly having heard all this.

Alex now made a confused face, her frown particularly noticeable. “If she said she'll call you, she will because that's who she is. She's not malicious or Vindictive. I think she's just processing everything. Give her time.”

“Yeah,” Christen drifted off in thought, completely unconvinced.

She felt a hand slide over hers in comfort. “Christen, you're human. We all make mistakes and if there’s anyone who would be willing to forgive you, it's Tobin. Besides, if you could only see that stupid grin she has when she talks  
about you, ” Alex groaned.

“Really?!” Christen asked with her bright, almost desperate to believe it could be true.

Alex was getting a kick out of just how lovestruck she was, chuckling at her expense. “I hope you two can work it out,” she said earnestly. “And although my loyalties lies with Tobin, I'm rooting for you.”

Christen appreciated the comfort Alex was giving her, even if she probably wasn't the best person for it. “Thanks, Alex. I hope after this we still find a way to be friends.”

“I've had my tongue in your mouth and other places, I'd say we're already friendly,” she retorted, sending Christen’s heart thumping wildly and her face heating up. Alex cackled in that raspy voice, “oh gosh, that look was priceless. Calm down, Press, I'm just having fun with you.”

She shook her head, realizing this situation would be hard to live down for a long time. “Thanks for meeting me, oddly I feel a little better.” Christen pushed back her wild curls and felt her shoulders relax just a bit for the first time in days. The very last person she should have been comforted by had given her some hope, some guidance that everything would be okay.

“It'll work out how it's supposed to,” Alex returned sincerely, even encouragingly. She took the last sips of her coffee and gathered her wallet from the table. “I need to run though, I'm meeting Serv for dinner tonight so I have to get ready.”

“Good luck,” Christen crossed her fingers for good measure. “Let me know how it works out, I'm rooting for you, too.”

The tall brunette winked and turned on her heels, and Christen watched her confidently walk out of the coffee shop. She sat by herself and took in her surroundings, several patrons in pairs, talking closely and sharing treats. Particularly, a couple that sat on the same side of a booth just to have their shoulders touch as they quietly sipped on their drinks. Just being with each other seemed to be enough for them.

Christen had never ached for that kind of company; not even the kind she'd just had with Alex. Something deeper, something more. It didn't depend on words, but rather just a feeling of being together.

The short walk back to her apartment was leisurely, the crisp autumn air biting at her nose as the sun set behind the skyscrapers. All around her she noticed more of those couples, some hand in hand, some just beside each other. They were existing together, and they were happy.

And now she wanted it, craved it, needed it. But there was only one person she could imagine it with.

She shook her head, scrambling the images of her and Tobin walking down Fifth Avenue latched together, nothing but the crinkles of Tobin’s eyes and the beating of her heart speaking.

She got out of the shower a bit later and wiped off the steam from the mirror, noticing how her appearance had perked up just a little that evening The comfy sweatshirt and pants she'd chosen covered her body, enveloping her up into a protective cocoon of warmth. She might actually sleep tonight, she thought, since the last few had been restless and a constant cycle of thinking. Most of her negative thoughts had been replaced by the beautiful images she'd created on her walk home, with the words of Alex Morgan.

But that went to hell when she saw the text that had come through as she was underneath the waterfall of hot water washing them all away.

Tobin: I’m ready to talk


	12. Like Any Great Love

She sat on her bed, unblinking, while staring at the little line flashing on and off the screen, waiting for her response. Christen had nearly dropped phone when she saw the text, part out of fear but mostly out of excitement. The moment she'd been waiting for was here and she was frozen.

She typed and deleted, hovered over the send button several times and then deleted again. What response was good enough, she thought. She didn't want to be over eager of too nonchalant, nothing seemed good enough. So much time had passed that Tobin sent another.

_Tobin: ...if you still want to. If you don't, I understand._

It was then she realized she had her read receipts on and Tobin could tell she had read it nearly forty minutes ago. Panicking, she put the ball back in Tobin’s court and threw all caution in the wind.

 _Christen: Yes, I definitely do. Name the time and place and I'll be there_.

Three little dots appeared immediately and air left her lungs, waiting on edge for the response. She wasn't sure what Tobin was thinking, but for her, the sooner she could see her, talk to her, the better.

_Tobin: how about tomorrow when you're finished work. Just head to my apartment and text me when you're on your way._

Christen looked at the clock, counting 17 hours.

_Seventeen hours._

It was too long; Tobin could change her mind with all that time. She herself didn't know if she could get through the day knowing what was coming, the anticipation would drive her crazy. But she didn't have a choice, this was Tobin's call and she had to go with it.

 _Christen: I can do that. I'll see you around_ _5_.

She didn't get a response back and the sleep she'd been hoping for came eventually, her head filled with dreams of her fate.

…  
It was worse than she'd expected.

Her eyes popped open way before her alarm, giving her ample time to make sure she was ready for the day. Frustration took over when her hair wouldn't curl just right and she had to wipe off the unsteady eyeliner more than once. She wanted to be perfect for Tobin, to feel good about herself when she went into this.

It was like the clock was mocking her, the seconds hand ticking away and bashing against her eardrum slower than she thought possible. Her stomach couldn't handle lunch, too anxious to hold anything except her coffee which made her even more jumpy.

Luckily, Ali was out of the office for most of the day which gave her the green light to leave early and away from her prying eyes. Surely anyone paying attention could see curious demeanor and the questions would have flooded her attention.

At half past four she texted Tobin to let her know she was leaving and all she got in response was the exact address she was headed to. She kind of knew where Tobin lived but going there for her first time, she wished it was under much better circumstances.

Her entire body was shaking as her knuckles made contact with Tobin's vibrantly painted yellow door. Hearing shuffling on the other side made it worse, but the relief that took over when she saw Tobin made up for it all. She was in a navy striped shift dress with a cute pair of flats, probably just home from work herself. Christen softened at her look, just loving how lovely she looked.  
  
Tobin's facial expression was a bit unreadable, somewhere between nervous and apprehensive. “Hey,” she spoke first.

Collecting herself, Christen nodded in return and took a step through the opened door. “Wow,” Christen couldn’t contain her awe as she looked around the gorgeous space Tobin called home. The ceilings were higher with floor length windows that gave a killer view of the beautiful street she lived on. The place was tastefully decorated, a little hectic at most with all of the artwork. Still, it was very Tobin. “Alex was right, you do have the best apartment.”

The words flew out of her mouth before could filter then, cringing moments later. Tobin seemed to be uncomfortable at the mention of Alex’s name too, her smile faltering a bit. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“No,” she shook her head, looking down at her shuffling feet.

Tobin moved out of the doorway and towards the living room with oversized couches and more throw pillows than she’d ever seen. It was tasteful and modern, something just so Tobin. ‘Why don’t we sit,” the girl suggested, taking a seat herself so Christen would feel comfortable.

She sat strategically on the other side of the L-shaped couch in awkward silence, neither one daring to be the first to speak. Christen knew it should be her to get the ball rolling by profusely apologizing but she wanted to be careful with her words. The girl sitting across from her had transformed in her mind from a shy, meek second thought to one that captured her every attention, every want and desire. Tobin was important to her and she wanted to make sure she understood just how much. It was also in the back of her mind that she might not get a third chance at this, so she had to be extra sensitive.

Tobin opened her mouth once, then let it close before gaining the courage to say something. “I don't even know where to start,” she offered looking a little defeated while looking to her right, out of the window towards the shining sun. The city was full of life this afternoon but the mood in the room was flat. Christen nodded in agreement. “I know what you mean. I just really need you to know Tobin, I’m so sorry.” Her voice wavered in the last syllable, breaking a little bit. She didn’t want to cry though, she wanted to get through this without being a ball of emotion despite being heavily wired. She was ready to dive right in, waste zero time.

  
Tobin let her eyes drunkenly float over to greet hers, “I think I’m going to need you to be a little more specific.”

Christen dropped her gaze into her own lap and took a breath for confidence. “For everything, Tobin. For how I ambushed you the night of the gala, for ignoring you when we were all out, for everything that happened with Alex. That was a mistake. I’m so sorry if I hurt you, please know that I never, ever wanted to do that.” She got it out in what seemed like one breath but the weight wasn’t off her shoulders yet. Tobin stayed stoic, seemingly processing everything she said without giving away how she felt about it.

“The night of the gala, did you plan to kiss me or was that something that just…happened?” The lighter brunette asked thoughtfully. Christen didn’t even hesitate to let her know her true feelings behind her intentions. “Tobin I had been wanting to kiss you for a while. That kiss really meant a lot to me.”

Tobin remained quiet, bobbing her head ever so slightly at the answer.

A minute later she followed up with, “so why did you say it was mistake?”

Internally she groaned to herself. Of course she didn’t really feel that way and she hated herself for pretending she ever did just to save some face. Her ego had been bruised and she let her words get the better of her.

“I didn’t mean it,” her voice insisted. It was pleading for Tobin to believe it, who had her eyebrows raised in uncertainty.

“You said Alex was a mistake, did you not really mean that, too?”

 _Ouch_ , Christen thought. _She has a point._ Her mind was in overdrive attempting to come up with something, anything to say that would make the girl realize how sincere she was.

“No. Tobin, Alex was probably the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I knew it was wrong even before it happened but…..” she trailed off, trying to find the right phrasing for what she wanted, no needed, to say.

Tobin patiently waited, giving her every opportunity to work through this. “you rejected me. That was really, really hard for me. I’m not saying this to be cocky or to mean that I take advantage of women but that had never happened to me before. It’s always been so easy.”

The brown eyes she’d grown to really admire pierced back into her own, making her feel pretty small in the moment. She started to speak when Christen held up her hand to ask for another moment. “And it’s not what you might be thinking. It was hard for me because I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about anyone Tobin. I really like you, not in a way I’ve ever liked any other girl. So when you didn’t kiss me back and then didn’t say anything I felt humiliated and realized this is why I’ve avoided getting too close to anyone. But it didn’t stop Tobin, I can't make the feelings just go away.” Christen managed to squeak out the last few words before the tears flowed down her cheeks and her shoulders fell.

When she least expected it, Tobin stood up slowly and walked the three steps to sit down directly next to her. She set her hand gently on top of Christen’s, willing her to look up even though she was full out sobbing now.

“I don’t want them to go away,” Tobin whispered.

She felt herself become hopeful for a second and tried to quiet the gasps coming from her own mouth. Tobin stroked the back of her hand and just let her be while collecting herself.

“What do you,” Christen hiccuped, “mean?”

Tobin put her hand underneath of Christen’s chin to guide her face to meet hers. “That night when you kissed me, I felt like a real idiot. I had been trying to get it together to tell you how I felt about you but I’ve never done this before,” she admitted. “But believe me, in my head I was kissing you back; it was everything I had wanted to do myself.”

Christen melted underneath of both the touch of Tobin’s hand cupping her gently and the words she confessed. Her eyes started to clear so she could really drink in the picture-perfect beauty in front of her who was just as vulnerable in this moment.

“And then,” Tobin continued, “if you could have only seen the look you gave me afterwards, it was…heartbreaking. You just rushed out of there so quickly before I could even say anything.”

She squeezed Tobin’s hand for good measure, hoping communicate another ‘I’m sorry’.

“But you didn’t say anything the rest of the week? Why didn’t you come after me or call me?” Christen felt a little defensive herself , thinking maybe all of this could have been avoided if Tobin had communicated a little better. But she quickly retreated, knowing she had no one to blame for the Alex debacle but herself.

“I knew what I wanted to say but I didn’t know how to tell you.” Tobin shrugged her shoulders, “I didn’t think a text or a call would do any good. I wanted to see you and really talk. That’s the only reason I came out last Friday. I wanted to see you but you were doing your best to ignore me,” a sad smile took over her face, making her feel pretty guilty once again about her actions.

Christen leaned back into the sofa to put some space between them, her head feeling a little clouded with all of this new information and her own feelings floating at the surface. “I shouldn’t have acted like that. I’m so sorry, Tobin.”

“I get it,” she empathized. “So when you did that and then told me again it was mistake, the doubts crept in and this time I was the one who bolted. I thought maybe you didn't say anything else about it because you really didn’t want to kiss me and were embarrassed. Like you wanted to pretend it never happened.” Tobin couldn’t even make eye contact as she spoke and it was hurting Christen’s heart.

Her words were pleading and she did her best to make the insecurities vanish.“I would never, ever be embarrassed of you, Tobin. Actually, it’s the opposite. I’ve never wanted to be with someone so much. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I’ve never felt like this before.” She hooked her fingers around Tobin’s and played with them gently, wanting any type of connection to make her really feel her words too.

“But Alex…”

Christen stopped her before she could finish the thought. “Alex was like….Alex was the pill you take when you get a migraine and you just want the pain to go away even though you know it’s temporary. It’ll help because you know it’s tried and true, you’ve taken one many times before and it does the trick for a little bit.”

She saw Tobin’s eyes start to water for the first time and let one spill onto her lap. This gave her the confidence to continue, knowing that Tobin maybe really did care and her feelings weren’t too far removed. “But you, you are the cure. You’ve brought out a side of me that I want to explore. You make me excited and steady at the same time. And the way I feel about you? I would lying if I said I’d met anyone as incredible as you. You’re everything I never knew I needed.”

“Knowing you were with her kinda kills me, Chris.” Her heart sank at Tobin’s confession, realizing that even though they were clearing the air, it might not end up how she wanted.

“I wish I knew exactly what to say to make you know how stupid it was and how sorry I truly am,” she pleaded. Tobin seemed to take the apology in stride, “I know you're sorry, it just still hurts that you went to Alex after what happened with us.”

Christen pulled her body away from Tobin, knowing exactly what she had to do now. “I understand. And I understand if you want nothing to do with me. I'll keep my distance.” She gathered herself to stand up before she felt her wrist being tugged back down.

“Chris, come on, sit down, we're not finished” an exasperated girl told her. This was hurting her too, feeling horribly that Tobin was even giving her a chance to explain herself. This was one of the reasons she fell for her, her kindness and compassion. But it didn't feel right.

She shook her head, “Tobin, I did this horrible, terrible thing and you should be spitting at me or slamming the door in my face or something. Like, yell at me or something, I deserve it. I can handle it.”

The other girl leaned back against the sofa and looked again out the window. “I'm not mad at you.”

She narrowed her eyes at her, not believing it fully, “why not?”

After Tobin exhaled slowly she found her way back to her eyes, “I think I'm a good person. I try to do the right thing, I'm a good friend to everyone, I go to church and do charity work,” she listed. Christen didn't know where she was going with this, but was all ears.

“And I think I deserve a chance to happy, right?” She looked at Christen like she didn't quite believe it and was questioning it.

“You do,” Christen assured her with all of her belief behind the words.

Tobin flashed a hint of a smile but let it drop quickly to reply. “So if I spend time being mad at you for something I maybe could have prevented if I'd just spoken up earlier, Then I'm not giving myself a chance at what makes me happy. We weren't together Christen. We weren't together because of me and I want you in spite of everything that happened. I want to move past this, I think I can do it.”

Christen let the tears flow, seeing how genuine and beautiful Tobin looked as she let her raw emotions surface. “You're too good for me,” she whispered. “I don't deserve you.”

It wasn’t perfect and neither looked too pretty right now. But it was honesty and if they were ever going to make it, it was a start. It took them each a few minutes to calm and let the high-running emotions settle before she asked the question that had been weighing her down for a week.

“What happens now?”

She wanted to hear Tobin say she was hers, she wanted them to move on together from this nightmare. And the thing was, she knew it was possible because that’s just who Tobin was. Someone who was kind and forgiving and would look past the mistake even if it hurt her.

Tobin visibly relaxed and scooted closer so their knees were touching. “Well,” her voice much lighter and a little mischievous, “I was kind of hoping I could redeem myself.”

Christen didn’t know what she meant, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion at the girl looking at her. Tobin must have picked up on it, so she laughed and tried again. “Can I kiss you?”

Her heart fluttered and she wasted no time facing her body to mirror Tobin’s. “Like you even need to ask,” she joked. Tobin leaned in, taking her time to really get it right. Her hands found either side of Christen’s soft neck and her fingers stroked underneath her strong jaw with falling pieces of hair tickling her. This was everything for Christen; she could get by on just this much from Tobin alone. But when their lips finally connected, softly at first, she knew it would never be enough.

Tobin took her bottom lip in between hers and massaged it gently, letting Christen fall into her deeper. When they started to really move, Christen stroked her tongue against Tobin’s lips, tasting sweet vanilla before being welcomed fully into her mouth. She wasn’t sure how long it lasted, but it didn’t seem like it was enough so when Tobin started to pull away she reached out to grab the back of her head firmly and pull her back in.

Separating was torture, but it was made a little better by seeing the spark in Tobin’s eyes. “Now that, that was how I was kissing you in my head,” she giggled.

“I really like you,” Christen whispered as her head fell forward to lean in the crook of Tobin’s neck, her words somewhat muffled by the smooth patch of skin she was humming against.

Tobin gently pushed her upright so they could continue where they left off, “I like you, too, Chris. And I really want to do that again, but I think we need to be on the same page. You’re the only person I want to be kissing and I want to be the only person you’re kissing. Is that too much for you?”

“No,” Christen rushed out. “That’s what I want. I want to be with you and only you.”

She watched Tobin still seem a little uneasy as she shifted around on her cushion. “I just…I still have some things to work through though. I want to be able to trust you and the Alex thing stings a little. It might take me some time but I want this..” The hope that radiated from her was enough to make Christen start tearing up all over again.

Her heart took a momentary dip into her stomach but she had to admit it more than fair. Tobin was a bigger person than she could ever be and she’d do whatever it took to earn her trust back. She’d spend her days and nights convincing the girl of anything she needed. She’d do whatever it took to make sure Tobin was in her life.

“I understand,” she was careful. “We can take this slow, okay? Whatever you’re willing to give me, I’ll take. Just tell me what you want me to do.” Her hands clasped together, with Tobin’s inside, she leaned back in to place a barely-there kiss on her cheek. “I just want to be yours.”

“Slow,” Tobin repeated as though the words were foreign, rolling off her tongue uncertainly. “I like that. Yeah, we’ll take this slow.”

It seemed final the way she said it, like they had reached a point of satisfaction. They were going to try, they were going to really be together and do this. She didn’t even realize she was grinning as wide as she was until Tobin tried to steal another peck and landed messily against her teeth.

They gazed at each other for a moment before Tobin opened and closed her mouth like there was one more burning question. “Go ahead,” Christen encouraged.

“Would you have told me about the Alex thing if I hadn't shown up when I did?”

Christen had actually given this some thought over the last week as she laid in bed at night, thinking if she hadn't opened the door or Alex had left right after. “Yeah,” she admitted. “I'm not sure how or when but I would have. Because you deserve to know and I don't want to hide things from you, ever. I'll answer any questions you have, I swear.”

Tobin didn't give away whether or not she believed her, heightening her anxiety over it. But she waited patiently, letting Tobin have all the control she wanted. Finally, she said “I just have one more question,” and dramatically stretched out the ticking seconds of silence before asking, “can we please go get dinner somewhere?”

Christen playfully slapped her shoulder and then soothed it with her arms circling tight around her body. She could feel her rapid heartbeat against her chest start to slow with every second they melted together. It felt right; it felt familiar, like she was coming home to a place she’d only now realized she’d missed.

“Yeah, Tobs, anything for you."


	13. Anything, Anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, hi. I'm back.

Slow went out the window almost immediately. It was more like speed walking, or trot she'd say.

The pair spent every waking moment texting, facetiming and making plans together. The only time they really spent apart was when they were at work or sleeping. Christen felt like it wasn’t enough and ached to be near her at all times; but Tobin admitted she wasn’t quite comfortable with any type of sleepover after a late night curled up watching a movie - or at least there was a movie playing in the background. Christen made sure she knew that it wasn’t even a thought on her radar; that she would never pressure her into anything she wasn’t read for..

They were content to stay in the bubble they'd created, just by themselves, slowly learning each other and effortlessly leaving the mistakes in the past.

After a week on Friday night, Christen stood in her kitchen with soft music playing in the background as she poured some pasta into a boiling pot on her stove. She had rushed home after work, still in her best clothes while Tobin washed out the tiny splatters of paint from her crisp white boyfriend shirt that was almost delicious as the tight black pants she had on. Christen had offered that morning to make a reservation for them somewhere, a mini-celebration of their new ‘togetherness’, but Tobin had a different idea.

“Remind me why we’re not in your big, beautiful kitchen,” she joked, stirring the pot of sauce with Tobin’s hands finding her as she spoke, dancing low on her waist. The girl smiled into the ticklish spot on on the back of her neck, inhaling the fresh scent of her shampoo that she made sure to tell her she appreciated.

“Cause I don’t think I even have a pot to cook with,” she replied, making the pair laugh at how true it probably was. Not Christen though, she loved being in the kitchen and perfecting a recipe. The self-satisfaction that came with the territory of pulling off a dinner was exhilarating to her.

“As good as you look right now just standing there, I think you’d look even better if you could slice up that onion for me,” Christen pointed down the counter. “And I’ll even let you use a big girl knife.”

Tobin stuck her tongue out and rolled her eyes playfully as she moved down the counter and got to work. Christen loved hearing her hum and sing a few notes the songs on her playlist and she stood for a minute just watching her, thinking how domestic this all felt. She’d never made dinner for, or with, any of the other girls she’d been involved with in the past, even the short-term girlfriends.

“Can I ask you a question?” Tobin asked without picking her head up from concentrating on slowly slicing the onion. Christen was pulled from her thoughts and let her know she was all ears.

“Have you told anyone, like Ali, about um, about…?” Christen finished her sentence for her, letting her know it was okay to label them as an ‘us’. “Yeah, us. Have you told Ali about us?” Now Tobin was looking at her, the shyness in her taking over.

Christen hadn’t told Ali about them, only because she didn’t know how or where to even start. Ali had become a good friend to her but ultimately she was her boss and those kinds of conversations were still something she wasn’t sure should be shared in the workplace. All of her other time had spent with Tobin so there wasn’t an opportunity to divulge. Plus, she thought, maybe Tobin didn’t want her to tell people yet and she’d honor whatever it was she wanted.

“No,” she confessed. “I wasn’t really sure how you felt about so I’ve kept it to myself.”

Tobin nodded, understanding. “Is is okay that I told my Allie? I mean I told her not to say anything to anyone just because like, I didn’t want you to get mad or anything and I know she’ll keep it to herself but she kept asking since I called her right after the Alex thing and…” Christen walked over and placed a hand over hers, lowering the knife to the counter.

Tobin stopped her rambling and looked up to find Christen’s green eyes lighter than ever, adoringly staring back at her. “Tobs, you can tell whoever you want. I want this and you make me really happy.” She leaned in and pressed the lightest kiss to her lips, just to help ground her a little.

When her eyes finally open, she looked much more relaxed, like Christen had said just the right thing to calm her nerves. “Yeah? So like if I put you as my plus one for the Spring fundraiser at school next weekend, you’ll come? I can tell people you’re my date?”

“Of course,” Christen stroked the soft piece of skin underneath her jaw. “I’d love to come to your school.”

Tobin leaned in again, this time deepening the kiss right away and making Christen sway in place. Her strong hands held her steady, making sure not to lose her balance. Their tongues started to sweetly stroke each other and passion found its way in before Christen pulled away gasping for a breath. Tobin mirrored her with her chest moving up and down rapidly but with stupid grin on her face.

“Okay, enough distracting me before I burn my apartment down and have to move into your castle,” Christen joked, loving the way Tobin’s eyes went wide at the suggestion of sharing a space.

She tried answering the original question again about Ali once they were back to doing their jobs. “So you’re okay if I tell Ali about us? I mean if your Allie and Alex already know, I don’t want her to think I’m keeping anything. You’re definitely not a secret,” she emphasized the last part.

“Yeah, go ahead,” Tobin agreed. “I’ll tell Ashlyn, that way she isn’t ticked off she had to hear if from her girlfriend. She’d never let me live that down.” They went back to their respective tasks, basking in the afterglow of their conversation, unknowingly sharing how much they already meant to each other.

Christen smiled to herself as she kept stirring slowly, “this is nice,” she whispered barely above the bubbling of the boiling water.

Tobin wasn’t really meant to hear her confession spoken aloud but the way she smiled in return and said, “yeah, it is,” made Christen unbelievably happy she had.

…..

Everyday Christen tried to find any opportunity to tell Ali what was going on between her and Tobin. The girl was mostly unavailable for the first few days of the week due to meetings and appointments for their next project. It wasn’t until Thursday they had found a few moments alone going over notes for Saturday’s afternoon luncheon at The Peninsula. It was for a wealthy group of investors in real estate, hoping to snag new clients and properties.

“So the timeline looks pretty set and we have to make sure our clean-up is done by 3:30 at the very latest,” Ali emphasized. “There’s another party coming for dinner and their set-up begins at the time. We’ll be charged if we’re even a minute late and I don’t want to get that kinda flack from my boss.” It was so obvious this event was stressing Ali out, so she thought her happy news would help.

“I need to be out of there by then, anyway,” Christen hinted, waiting for her to take the bait.

“Oh yeah?” Ali scribbled some notes without looking up or giving her much thought. “Yeah,” Christen spoke a little louder. “Tobin’s fundraiser starts at 6 so I need to get home to get ready. She’s picking me up at 5:30.”

Ali’s head shot up with her pencil suspended in mid-air. The look on her face was curious, like she was trying to make sure Christen had meant what she was thinking. “You’re going to Tobin’s fundraiser?”

“Yeah. I’m her date.” Christen held her breath, waiting to see if Ali thought that was a good or a bad thing. It must have been good because Ali squealed and grabbed her by the hand, pulling her from her seat and towards the back of the office where they would have a little more privacy. “Spill! When did she ask you?”

Christen blushed at Ali’s enthusiasm, her cheeks heating up at just how exciting the whole thing was. “Last weekend, when we were making dinner,” she added coyly. Ali’s eyes went even wider in surprise and her mouth fell open. “Making dinner? What are you guys like a thing?!”

“Yeah,” Christen admitted, finally feeling like all of her cards had been laid out on the table. It was freeing and overwhelming at the same time, solidifying that they were together to everyone.

“Oh my Godddddddd!” Ali couldn’t help it, bouncing up and down and unintentionally hitting Christen in the shoulders with her hand. “Tobin! You and Tobin!” she half-screamed.

Then she stopped in her place like a light bulb had gone off in her head. “Wait, is that why Ashlyn’s been asking me every night when I get home if I’ve talked to you? Does she know?” Christen felt a little guilty that it took her this long to know, but she really had been trying to tell her. “Yeah, Tobin told her when they went for drinks on Monday night. I really wanted you to know and I asked Tobin to let me be the one to do it,” she genuinely told her.

“Wow, you and Tobin,” Ali shook her head like it was too good to be true. “This is so awesome. I have to admit, I thought there was something happening with you and Alex and I can’t say I was thrilled about that.” Christen felt all of the blood rush out of her cheeks and her expression fall flat. The words she had in her head were frozen and Ali seemed to pick up on it.

“Was there something happening with you and Alex?” she questioned.

Christen knew she could lie and say no, sparing any drama or unwanted secrets to come out. Or she could be short with Ali and just let her know she wasn’t completely wrong but it in the past. “There kinda was,” she admitted reluctantly. “But that’s way over and I know Tobin is the one I want to be with.” She’d never said anything in her life with such conviction, knowing how sincere she was with each word.

Ali looked skeptical at best. “Christen, please tell me you didn’t….” Christen closed her eyes. This was exactly what she wanted to avoid, sparing both Tobin and Alex any type of humiliation. “She knows, Ali. Everything was mistake and Tobin and I are working past it.”

Her boss straightened up and looked at her with the spark in her eyes fading. “I really hope so, Christen. Tobin doesn’t deserve to be jerked around. I hope you know what you’re doing.”

She hoped so, too. Everything in her told her Tobin was perfect for her and that she was everything she’d never knew she wanted. But it didn’t keep the insecurities she had about her own ability to be perfect for Tobin. She was new at this and had already disappointed Tobin in the biggest way possible. “I do,” she lied, hoping that it would actually turn out to be the truth.

The rest of the day was a little awkward between the pair, tension and uncertainty floating between them as they finished up their to-do list. She couldn’t help it, Ali’s strong words and reaction had found a way deep into her stomach, creating a pit of doubt. Although Tobin’s words and actions were telling her that they were okay, that her previous indiscretions were forgiven, she wasn’t sure that it was deserved. She wasn’t sure that she deserved the girl’s presence in her life and it was taking a lot to ignore the nagging feeling.

….

  
The next day, her previous days’ reaction long behind her, Christen opened her door to a beaming Tobin who was dressed in a tight burgundy dress with short sleeves. Her hair was in loose curls, with some volume and black pumps. The lip stain matched the dress and her eyes were glowing, maybe not just from the hint of makeup dressing them up.

“Wow,” Christen managed to breath out as her eyes traveled up and down the length of Tobin’s body. She wasted no time bringing her in by the waist to get a little closer, to see if her lips tasted as sweet as they looked. Tobin put her own hands on Christen’s waist to get a good look at her, too. “Hi, you,” she smiled.

They exchange a soft peck, not nearly satisfying enough, but their makeup was too fresh to ruin. “You look really great, Tobin,” Christen finally breathed out, a hitch in her voice evident.

She was rewarded with a crooked but endearing smile, “I'll never get used to dressing up every day. That’s the only thing I don't like about my job; it's mostly dresses and skirts. I'd rather be in jeans and a t-shirt,” Tobin pulled at the fabric near her waist in annoyance.

Christen knew this, especially with how quickly Tobin changed the second she got home or to her place after work. She hadn't even made to through dinner on Thursday without begging Christen to borrow some old gym clothes to eat in at their nicely set table. But Christen wasn't mad, especially when she saw the way the shirt hung and clung all the right places from her braless chest, making her appetite for actual food disappear quickly.

“Should we have a drink or something before we head out?” Tobin changed the subject, gripping her hands a little tighter, squeezing as she joked, “Champagne?”

Christen giggled, thinking of how well Tobin was able to read her. “Yeah, I definitely have a few bottles of champagne in my kitchen,” The other girl leaned in, stealing another peck before shaking her head negatively. “They’ll have plenty of that there, believe me. And not the cheap kind,” she said impressively.

“What, you callin’ me cheap or something?” Christen laughed. The sparkle in Tobin’s eyes was undeniable as she laughed along. “No, babe. Definitely not.” Her bottom lip found its way between her teeth, trying to not to let the smile fall off her face from letting the term of endearment slip out. Christen was just feeling so euphoric, the previous uncertainties she’d had when talking with Ali completely evaporating. Tobin did that to her, made her calm and relaxed, sure of herself and like she could be anything she wanted to. They were in this together, and there’s nowhere else she wanted to be.

….

“So you’re Christen!” A tall, thin woman with graying hair caught her off guard to hug her tightly. Christen hoped her glass of champagne wasn’t running the woman’s back with how forcefully she was pulled in. “I’m Christen,” she confirmed sweetly. The fundraiser had been surprisingly enjoyable so far, not just because she was attached to Tobin’s side all night. The girl had been attentive, making sure she felt involved in all the conversation, introducing her to everyone in sight and kept her glass relatively full all night. It made her feel special, important even, to be included in Tobin’s world.

Another other older woman to her left was smiling from ear to ear, “we are just so thrilled to meet you. You know, she’s never brought anyone to an event,” the woman half-whispered like she was gossiping as she pointed to Tobin.

Christen threw Tobin a smug smile who looked mildly embarrassed to have such a spotlight on her personal life. “Alright, alright,” she shushed the women playfully “Don’t you two have some outrageous and extravagant baskets to be bidding on right now? Or glasses to refill?”

“Hush Tobin,” the women scolded, “we want to talk to your girlfriend. You said she was pretty but oh my, you didn’t tell us she was drop dead gorgeous!” Both young girls blushed; Christen at the compliment, Tobin at the reference to their relationship. But for Christen, she was thrilled that people assumed Tobin was her girlfriend. She’d never imagined wanting the responsibility or title of being a girlfriend so badly.

That was before Tobin.

“I think I saw a perfect basket for you two,” the taller one continued, purring like she was scheming. “It’s for a romantic getaway for two to the Finger Lakes.”

Tobin jaw went slack, groping to get some words out to cover how forward her friends were being. “Sounds like it’d be a good weekend for you and David. Go for it, Eileen; Christen and I are going to hit the bar again.” Christen felt Tobin’s warm hand encase her own, seeking it for a little comfort, a little strength at the same time. Christen didn’t want her to feel uneasy and squeezed gently to let her know everything was okay.

It wasn’t until their eyes connected that Tobin seemed to relax, seeing Christen unbothered by the unfolding situation. “Look at them Eileen, look at how beautiful they are together.” Christen smiled politely, “thank you. I’m happy to meet you both, Tobin speaks so highly of the school and everyone here.”

“Oh, we’ve known Tobin forever,” Eileen beamed. “Since she was a gangly little fourth grader who wouldn’t come back down to Earth. She was always playing, dreaming, drawing. You name it, she was never doing exactly what she was supposed to.” Tobin shrugged her shoulders, making Christen smile imaging her at a younger age. “Yes, but you couldn’t be mad. She just had this face,” the still unintroduced co-worker teased as she pinched at Tobin’s face.”

Tobin pulled away from the bony fingers as quick as she could. “Okay, now that you’ve both sufficiently embarrassed me enough for a lifetime, we’re really going to get those drinks now. I’ll see you guys later,” she tugged on Christen’s hand still wrapped up in hers.

“Gangly, huh?” Christen whispered as they moved through the crowd. Tobin shook her head, “don’t listen to a word they say,” she insisted as she signaled to the bartender for two more drinks. They clinked glasses and stood closely, strategically whisper-shouting into each other's ears over the emcee who had started the featured program.

Christen loved the faint scent of Tobin’s perfume radiating from neck. She was really dying to nuzzle her nose along the strong lines of her collarbone, and nip at the soft skin staring her down. “You know,” she let her voice drop, “I’m having a great time with you tonight,” her voice tapered off.

“Yeah?” Tobin met the seductive tone easily.

Christen nodded slowly with her bottom lip between her teeth. “But I also can’t wait to get out of here and have you to myself for a little bit.”

Before Tobin could flirt back, she was interrupted by the sound of her name over the microphone.

“What did they say?” She asked confused, not knowing why they would announce her name. Heads started to turn to look at her as people began clapping in succession. “This was highest bid of the night and we’re so grateful for our wonderful art teacher’s contribution to make this event a success. Enjoy the Finger Lakes, Ms. Heath!”

Eileen stood on her feet, clapping, before she threw a little wave to Tobin. She folded her hands in a little heart and then wagged her finger between Tobin and Christen. The pair of women looked at each other, letting what just happen sink in.

“Looks like we’re going on vacation,” Christen conceded, throwing back the last little bit of her bubbly in fervor while a wide-eyed Tobin did the same.


End file.
